The Power of Why

It's been a long time since I've posted on this, but I had a few things happened these past few weeks that made me feel like posting again, so here it goes:

I've been thinking a lot about the power of why. Often in life what we need to do, or feel we need to do, feels burdensome, and it becomes easy to feel disenchanted or overwhelmed in life. Things that should matter become mundane and it is natural for these things to bring about feelings of resentment. For me the last year, I had so many things on my plate this is how I began to feel about a lot of things, even things that used to bring me joy, energy, and purpose. It was exhausting and unfulfilling. But recently I have heard a lot of people discuss the principle of "why", and it has brought a fresh perspective on life. Rather than focusing on what I had to do and how I was going to do it, these experiences helped me focus on why I was doing it. By thinking about the why first, one of two things happened:

1) I realized that what I was doing wasn't important, that the why wasn't valid enough to justify my time or efforts 

or

2) I remembered the value of what I was doing, giving me renewed energy and excitement in completing or continuing the task

This exercise helped me free up a lot of my time for things that did matter, and in addition, increased my resolve and enjoyment in doing the things that did matter. 

Elder Bednar gave a devotional talk about the power of understanding "why" we do things. He states:

"It concerns me as I see young people in our Church who know all the correct things they should do and do not have a clue as to why. They have a check-list mentality. "Say my prayers morning and night. Read the scriptures." Why do they do these things? "Because I am supposed to. Because the prophet said. Because my mom and dad will jump my case if I don't." May I suggest that each of these activities is related to the doctrine of revelation. We pray every morning in a meaningful way to invite the companionship of the Holy Ghost. At the end of the day we report and give an account of our stewardship in our evening prayer. We express gratitude for the companionship of the Spirit and the direction we received. We also study the scriptures daily to feast upon the words of Christ, to again invite the Spirit, and to receive instruction and direction. These things are related to the doctrine of receiving revelation. But do we do these things without an understanding of what they are linked to doctrinally? Do we understand why? If we do not understand the why, then the power available to us through the doctrine of Christ will not be evident in our lives."

This relates well to a talk I heard in church last week. The speaker was talking about Alma 32, a chapter where Alma teaches some people about faith. As he related the sermon that Alma taught, he pointed out the four steps to conversion: humility, knowledge, faith, and tasting the fruit of faith. This last step really stood out to me. In Alma 32:42 it says: 

"And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst."

This is a step I often forget about. I read my scriptures, I go to church, I serve others, I spend quality time with family, I take time to be prepared at my job, heck, I even go to the gym from time to time. But none of this will remain important to me if I never take the time to taste the fruit of these labors. How crazy would it be to go out and spend months of time getting soil ready, picking out good seeds, planting, weeding, watering, pruning, and finally, producing fantastic fruit, but never pick and eat it? Yet I was doing it all the time. And because of that, all that hard work felt worthless and made me question the process and even worse, the seeds. But it wasn't the task or the execution of the task that was off, it was the fact that I never took the time to reflect on what had come out of it. To tie it in to the power of why, I was losing out on remembering or appreciating the why because I wasn't taking the time to taste the fruit. 

So, my new mantra this year is "why am I doing this", and hopefully, it will make for a far more rejuvenating and effective year. And in addition to focusing on the why, I will make sure I take the time to taste the fruit and reaffirm the why, so I don't lose sight of the power of why again.

Jesus Wept

I was reminded of this verse in Relief Society today. It has been reflected on in many different ways and at many different times by others. The meaning that has been most powerful to me though, especially at the end of my mission (which was the most difficult era for me) is how it displays Christ's compassion. If you haven't read it recently, check out John 11. This is where Lazareth dies BECAUSE Christ tarries despite his family's pleas to come and heal him. We know now that Christ tarried in order for Lazareth to be considered truly dead by Jewish law (they believed it took 3 days for the spirit to leave the body) and thus prove His divinity by raising Lazareth from the dead, but they didn't know that. For them they waited anxiously, wondering why the Lord could possibly "tarry" while such a trial was at hand. I am sure the moments were agonizing, as their eyes searched the road for any indication that their Savior would come to them in this their time of greatest need. Yet He did not come, and seemingly, all was lost. I find it interesting, because when Christ did arrive, Mary and Martha both expressed Faith in Him AND His plan. One testifies that had Christ been there "my brother had not died" but that she KNEW that her brother would rise again in the Resurrection, that in the end it would be OK. She had the testimony of the Plan of Salvation LONG before Christ had officially conquered death. But the Resurrection must have felt a long ways away. Comfort felt far away. Hope felt far away. At that moment Christ knew that in a matter of SECONDS the very cause of sorrow for Mary/Martha would become an incredible joy as Lazareth came forth from the grave. Despite this knowledge, despite that to Him and His eternal perspective their pain may have seemed silly or short sighted, He did not say "It is going to be OK, be patient and get with the program, I'm about to wake your brother up" or "use your faith to cheer up and realize this isn't permanent" or "no matter how much I tell you guys about my power you still have cause for sadness?". What he did do was weep. He wept not for Lazareth or his death, he wept for THEIR pain, THEIR sorrow, THEIR discomfort. He knew they didn't know what lay ahead, He knew that they felt like Lazareth was gone until the second coming, He knew that they felt that this pain was unbearable and would last perhaps until their own deaths, He knew that they FELT pain DESPITE their Faith. So He wept. He wept with them.

I cannot even tell you the comfort it gives me to know that Christ can comfort me when I fail to see the big picture despite His ability to see it. He weeps with us, He really does, even if we are moments away from the greatest miracles of our lives. He weeps because He knows we felt alone because He "tarried" to better prove His divinity to us. He weeps because He knows how it feels. Most of all, He weeps because He loves us.

Practice Makes Permanent

Practice makes perfect, the adage goes, but someone wise corrected that half truth; practice makes permanent. Doing something over and over again will become second nature, but sadly that doesn't guarantee it will be a perfect thing. That is why it is vital we practice things the right way or we'd be better off not practicing at all. This concept became more important to me as I reread a story in the New Testament.

John 12 relates the story of Mary Magdalene anointing Christ with costly oils prior to his death. When Judas seeks to find fault with this action, proclaiming that it was a waste of money that otherwise could have been given to the poor, Christ rebukes him and tells him to "let her alone" for "the poor always ye have with you, but me you have not always." Although a powerful reminder to always putting Christ first (something Mary teaches us by example earlier in Christ's ministry as well) this story was presented to me in another light; the lesson in not serving but being served.

It is often easier to give than receive. We would rather give than feel we owe someone something. We would rather serve than have the embarrassment of needing help. We would rather listen and comfort than humbly speak out of our own pain and sufferings. The very moment we receive we are calculating a mental tab and feel guilty until we feel we have repaid the kindness. Unfortunately, this often doesn't stem from an acute sense of selflessness but rather a malady of pride, pride that not only robs others the blessings that would come from serving us but also the power that would come into our own lives by others kindness and service. But most of all it can be at times a symptom of something else.

The Lord will never give us an aspect of doctrine or commandment to follow without presenting plenty of practice. Most of what we do in life is type or shadow of something to come, a low stakes way to grow in order to be ready when it matters most. The acceptance of others kindness is no exception. As I listened to this familiar Bible story it came to me in an unfamiliar light, and it's truth was burned into my heart. The practice of accepting service is practice for us to accept the kindness and mercy offered us through the Atonement. How often do we feel unworthy, in debt, or too proud to accept forgiveness and spiritual healing? Or tell ourselves that if we ask forgiveness than we will have to read our scriptures longer or be more faithful in our callings? Or even worse, we tell ourselves that we can't ask for forgiveness until we pay extra fast offerings or home teach more than once this week. We somehow get into our minds that the Atonement has a price tag attached until it can be accessed. Nothing could be further from the truth, and this week I finally see a way to be better and do better: let myself be served. Practice the feeling of gratitude instead of feeling in debt. Practice humility instead of pride. Practice receiving and giving back out of love and not obligation. Only then will the practice of accepting the Lord's help become permanent, and our actions in the name of the Lord will be because we are grateful and desire to bless others, not because we feel we must pay God back.

The Perfect Storm

When I began this blog, it was as Sister Michelle Green, missionary and representative for The Lord Jesus Christ and His restored Gospel. Gospel means "good news", and for 18 months I did all I could bring that good news to everyone who would listen. Now, a year since I came home, I sit in a chapel, again with my mother and grandmother, listening to General Women's Conference. As I listen to the words of many faithful women of God, I reflect upon my mission. It is, without fail, the most difficult and sacred 18 months of my life. Never had I felt myself break down in such a way, to the point where I felt there was little of me left. And today, right now, I see what is to be done. The parts of me that were not Christlike were torn down, and only I can allow the proper contractor to build me "right" this time.
In some way, we are all like an imperfect building, yet we are asked to be "perfect", or, as it is translated, complete. One can not rebuild what has not yet been knocked down. Every single day The Lord works on us, hoping to clear the way for His plans for us. Every day the adversary entices us to choose the wrong builder. Daily our windows break down, our doors squeak, our tile breaks, opening the way to use perfect materials this time. But there will be a time, for every single one of us, when a storm will come and beat us literally to the ground. A wind that blows through our glass, a flood to wipe out our insides, an earthquake to shatter our foundation. And one day, we will find ourselves in the perfect storm, the kind that will literally wipe us out in every way. It is in this perfect storm that we will finally be ready to be reborn, to be given an opportunity to become complete. It is in that moment that we have the eternally  fateful choice: who will build us again? Bitterness, anger, remorse? Or humility, hope, and the Atonement? I testify that every setback, sorrow, and burden we face leads us not only to the perfect storm, but to perfection within ourselves, but only in and through our Savior. May we choose Him as the architect of our lives.

Sacrifice: an Inconvenient Investment

My poor father is most likely sick of me exploiting stories about him and connecting them to the gospel somehow, but, hey, that's what dad's are for, right? To teach us? And in fairness this involves more than just him, it includes my whole family.
In a family of eight we had problems keeping any sort of junk food around for more than 15 minutes. It didn't matter where you hid what you had, by the next day it was gone. As a opportunist child I often did extra chores to earn money to buy candy to keep in my room. Without fail it would be eaten by someone. It was at these times I would complain and whine until my sister would remind me of the definition of insanity; to do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.
The main culprit was my Dad, which caused me much frustration. He would always say he would buy me more than I had before but I was too upset and proud to let him. I didn't want him to pay me back because than I couldn't be mad at me anymore.
Fifteen years later I am back living at home again. I have long since given up on hoarding treats and hiding them. I have learned that if they get eaten they get eaten, and now that I have a license, its not so much of a big deal to just run out and buy more.
But this week something happened, and then it clicked. Lately I have had a huge addiction to frozen chocolate that I keep in our freezer to snack on. My mom ate some one night, but it was no big deal, because she replaced literally 10 fold.
As I stacked the candy in the freezer I had an incredible answer to my prayers and thoughts of late. When times are hard, there are a lot of things that get said. From "think about how much you will grow" to "it will be worth it" or "it can't last forever, it will get better". These are all really vital pieces to keeping hope through hard times, but it also isn't really that helpful in the moment. I think, "great, but what about today, right now, right here?" I suppose the Lord knew that I already had the answers, but that I needed to hear it in a new way. As I was putting those chocolates in the freezer it hit me; this is the result of a slight inconvenience-and it has yielded incredible results. Yes, that night when I went to get my candy and it wasn't there I was upset. In the moment there was nothing I could do about it. But after all my past experiences I realized that being upset or refusing a "refund" to make up for it was the wrong thing to do. Instead I said and did nothing. I forgot about it really, and then, the next day, I more than doubled what I had. I realized that I had lost that investment for years by not letting my dad pay me back for the treats he would eat. Even more importantly, I realized how often I had denied Christ the opportunity to make up trials to me. He may take the candy for a bit, a inconvenience and an impossibly long moment, but at the end of it all, I should never let my pride rob me of the investment Christ is ready to give me. It was then I realized that sacrifice is an inconvenient investment.

Filling the Bucket

Today was my first faculty meeting, which was a little bit intimidating. Besides being terrified and very overwhelmed it was actually a really good experience. Our principal mentioned a character development concept called "filling the bucket". He talked about how every interaction either fills or dips into our bucket and how important it is to fill others buckets. I am a huge believer of that. But what made me really think was the state of the buckets-because no matter how much you seek to fill others buckets, if there is a hole in it it will never make a difference in their lives. That's not to say you didn't help them at the time or that your efforts were wasted, but there is a better way. I like to think of it as being similar to "first seek to understand, then seek to be understood". The same concept could be applied, "first seek to fix a bucket, then seek to fill it". Find out where the hole is, find out how to repair it, don't just keep pouring water in it over and over again thinking some how it will be full; for it never will be. And both you and the bucket you seek to fill will become exhausted and discouraged and be none the more full for all the effort.

Now that doesn't mean the one who needs a bucket fixed is off the hook. There is only so much others can do to help us "retain" water, but in the end only we can fix our buckets. I know that many of you who read this may feel very empty right now whether its unloved or unworthy or unhappy or anything else in life causing a hole that drains out joy. Trust me, I've been there and still have quite few holes in my bucket. But from personal experience I realized that rather than craving and praying for others to come fill my bucket, I needed to fix my bucket. I needed to believe in myself and teach myself how to make that water useful rather than constantly casting it aside only to look for more later. I needed to relearn how to think and feel and react until my bucket was so tight that nothing could drip out of it. And now, I am seeking very hard to keep it that way. And today, I am going to do everything I can to go help someone fix their bucket-then I will be free to fill it.

A Mighty Change of Heart

When I was 11 or so my older brother took an M&M and told me it was the last piece of candy he would eat in a year. Frankly I thought he was nuts, and that he wouldn't make it through the night let alone the year. Well, he proved me wrong and one year later he sat down to eat his first piece of candy/junk food in 365 days (I believe it was a ding-dong if that matters). He was so excited and yet the moment it was in his mouth I saw his face crinkle up: he didn't like the taste at all anymore.

And that's what it means to have "a mighty change of heart" and no longer have "a disposition to do evil" (Mosiah 5:2) If we learn to deny ourselves of those things we know will bring us spiritual harm, then eventually, if we ever slip up and return to it, we will no longer even enjoy or want to do it. It will make us literally sick, and make us wonder why we ever wanted it at all. I know that it is the daily small acts by which we become who we want to become-to have not just our actions but our desires, our very cores, be what they were meant to be: like God. It is rarely a moment or an event that occurs in us, it wasn't the promise to not eat candy that made my brother hate the taste of it, it was the year without it. Drop by drop, dip by dip, chip by chip, we will fill our souls, wax strong in the gospel, and have the master sculpt us to be all that He intends us to be. And it is then and only then that we may proclaim in exultant joy, "I have experienced a mighty change of heart", and as I do what is right, I will "retain"(Alma 5:14,26) that. For just as we can fall out of love of sin, if we return to it enough, our heart will change back. There is nothing greater we can do than prevent that, for it is our heart the Lord wants, nothing more or less than that-so let's give Him a good one.

Do Not Let It Beat Me

In High School this could easily have referred to track and field. But it means something far more to me now. A few years ago my brother-in-law was diagnosed with ALS. Some of you may be familiar with this from "Tuesdays with Morrey". In a nutshell the patient has their muscles slowly shut down in random order and in random spurts, until, usually within 2-5 years, the patient dies from lack of breathing. Do I really know why this happened? I am beginning too, because despite what it has done to us, it has done a lot of things for us. And for the first time in my life, I really am beginning to understand what that means.
The Hunger Games is one of my favorite movies/books. I find myself having to defend the fact that it is about kids brutally killing one another for food/money/glory because of what the book is really trying to say. One of my favorite moments is when one of the characters, Peeta, tells the main character, Katniss, that even though he is about to enter an arena where he either dies or kills, there is one thing he will hold onto: himself. The government may have taken away many of his freedoms, it may be forcing him to enter into the arena, and it may have a lot to say about his life, but it cannot determine who he becomes. In short, they cannot beat him-for "they do not own [him]". No matter how ugly the situation gets, he will not fall into the trap of becoming hollow and cruel. I know we all wonder how we would be in extreme conditions, would we be the ones who gave up, the ones who became cruel, or would we rise to the occasion? And now I finally understand why that means so much to me, because it is what I have been praying for for a long time now.

Ever since I got home from my mission (which was this January), I have tried to come to terms with, Ben, my brother-in-law's-illness. In the mission field it was hard for it to seem real. When I left he had just been diagnosed and could still do most things pretty normally. Now, about all he can do is move his fingers, his legs, and his head. Even talking to hard and tiring, and frankly, I haven't known what to do. Part of me wants to stay distant, thinking it will be easier if I'm less attached. Part of me wants to be there every second and spend what time I have with him. Part of me is so scared that it is hard to be by him. Part of me is so grateful and hopeful that all I want to do is be by him. And all these parts of me have been pretty much an awful tug-o-war inside of me. But tonight, as I got home from work and sat in my kitchen thinking, I realized that this was what Peeta was talking about, and I asked myself, "are you really going to let this beat you?"
Then I realized, this is what it was like to be in a situation where you had to decide, and you had to decide quick. I always thought that it would be obvious when the time came, that it would be a huge crossroads, but until now, I wasn't even aware that that was where I was. No, I'm not in a war or a natural disaster or in a Hollywood zombie apocalypse where I am forced to become more human or more animal, but I am still in a place to choose. I, like Peeta, do not have to let ALS own me, define me, control me. I, like Peeta, can still show it and God and myself that it cannot change me for the worse, it cannot beat me, it cannot not make me what I don't want to be. And because I see that now, I have the strength to do it.
So watch out ALS, I will not let you beat me. And whoever you are, and whatever you are facing:

and do not let it beat you either.

Charity Never: Now That's Something to Smile About

"Charity never faileth.." The scriptures are filled with this phrase, in one form or another. I think of my "fall back" plans or "plan z's" in situations that up until now have always come through for me. It is sort of like, as a kid, I knew that if my Nintendo cartridge wasn't working that all I had to do was blow on it in the inside and it would work. Don't ask me how any of us of that generation knew to do that, but we all did. And you know what? It never failed me. No matter how panicked I got that my game was forever ruined I had a calm reassurance inside saying, "but if this doesn't work, at least you can always blow on it, that never fails". 

How many of us realize the power of realization? I mean, how much of a difference does it make when we KNOW we have a foolproof "plan z", a win all ace card of life decisions? Think of what our lives would be if we realized that that was what charity IS, to its very core. It is a principle, a characteristic, a way of life that if used it will never ever let us down. If applied, and eventually when it is in us, there will be no situation or choice or trial that we cannot come out of with joy. And that joy will come with the knowledge that we did exactly as Christ would have us do, because, when we act with perfect charity we literally are doing what Christ did do while He was here, and is there really a better way to do things? And knowing that, even when things get really bad-I mean gut wrenching heart breakingly so-there is peace in knowing that we have something that will never let us down. And that gives me a lot of hope. So what is charity? Why does it never fail? When I was serving a mission my last companion, Sister Streeter, had memorized what would become one of my favorite quotes:

Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again. It makes the thought of being a basher repulsive.
Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other. -Marvin J. Ashton 

 And to me, in the end, that is what never fails-expecting the best of each other. Because, it is when we do that that we begin to be the best of ourselves, because, like or not, we are very liable to being what those around us expect us to be, so why not let others feel they can be their best around us? Charity is a word of infinite feelings, expressions, and definitions, something that takes a lifetime to understand. But this I do know, that expecting the best of each other, expecting the best of ourselves, and expecting that God will do His best for us is part of charity, and no matter how little a part of charity we have and understand, it will never fail us. And you know what? That is something smile about.

Cinderella Man: When I am Weak I am Strong

When we are weak we are strong,
and therein lies true happiness

Cinderella Man is a movie about a boxer during the Great Depression. In the movie he is a good boxer but favors his right hand, never really using his weaker left. During a fight he breaks his right hand, forcing him to find other work. Without steady work their lives begin to become more and more desperate and destitute. Finally, when his hand heals he returns to boxing. Even though it has been a long time since he has trained or boxed at all he has a miraculous winning streak, brining his family and friends out of financial turmoil, giving back to all that helped him. What was the secret to his success? Well you'd have to ask him, but one thing that is mentioned by his coach/trainer is that his boxing has improved because he uses his left hand now. Because for so long he had to rely on his left hand only it got stronger and stronger until he could use it to box as well as his right hand.
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them" Ether 12:27
I've learned that we are strongest when we are weak. Indeed it is a blessing. It is when God takes our strengths away or puts us in difficult situations that we are forced to make our weakness strong. Even though it is hard and frustrating and disappointing road, it ends in a "happily ever after", just as it did for the Cinderella Man. He never would have reached his potential as a boxer nor have been able to get the same amount of money for his family had he not first broke his right hand. I testify that there is nothing stronger in us than our very weaknesses, because when we give them to God, we will one day have none left to give Him. What a beautiful day that will be, but for now, I am grateful that I am weak, for it is then that I am strong.

Rowing vs Sailing Part II: When to Sail

I am no seaman but I would imagine any good one could tell you the importance of leaving shore during the right time of the day, namely, to leave with the tide not against it. Rather than rowing with all their might towards the open ocean, they patiently wait and carefully prepare to leave at the right moment to make their push to sea easier than it otherwise might have been had they not waited. In other words, they know the importance of timing.
My life has been filled with instances that have taught me the importance of timing. It was timing that allowed me to serve my mission with my one of my best friends. It is timing that allowed to have the student teaching placement I have right now. It is timing that allowed me to meet the people I have met in life. Quite literally, like an eroded cliff side, I have been defined by time.
Our Father in Heaven and His Son Jesus Christ understand better than any seasoned seaman the importance of timing. They built our ship; they know how long and how wide it is, how much it weighs, how it sits on the water, how much experience the crew has, how the sails billow and what type of wind makes them billow the best, and most of all, He knows what lies ahead. After-all, Christ is the master carpenter, and He knows us better than we can ever hope to know ourselves.
So next time you are tempted to row away from shore, to start your journey prematurely because you see life as a trip complete and not a journey to experience, ponder carefully and remember that it is always better to sail than to row.

Unexpected Lessons from a 4th Grade Classroom

Five days after returning home from my mission I began my student teaching in a 4th grade classroom near my home. For my first week I remained mostly an observer; learning the students' names, getting the classroom rules and procedures down, and remembering what it was like to be in a classroom after a year and a half of never stepping inside of one. My mentor teacher gave me "gotchas" which are little slips of paper students get if they are on task or if they do something kind or their homework neatly or what have you. At the end of the day they put their names on it and put it in a bowl that the teacher randomly picks 5 names from and those 5 get a piece of candy. Of course, the more your name is in there the better the chance they have of getting candy so the students love getting those slip of papers. So, seeing them get excited to get them made me excited to give them out. Plus, the more I got to know each student the more I wanted to give them slips because I began to care more and more about them every day. I began to look so hard all over the classroom just for a chance to give someone a paper. It has become one of my favorite parts of teaching.
One afternoon the students were presenting a science project each of them had done. There was a student who was a super good and sharp kid but also very rowdy. He kept leaning back on his chair and messing around and in general just not listening to really anything going on in the science lesson. I went and stood by him which made him stop for awhile, but not long. I asked him to hold still, that I knew it was hard, but that it was the respectful thing to do. I sat back and mentally told myself, "if he makes it 3-4 minutes without doing anything rowdy I am going to give him a gotcha because I know how hard it really is for him to sit still". I sat there, ticking down the time, praying he'd make it, and every time at the last minute or right at the beginning or in the middle of the time frame he'd act out again. I just remember it suddenly being so important to me that he make it. I even began to pray and "will" him with my mind to sit still so I could give him a gotcha. But he never did. Later on he did something else I was able to give him a gotcha for doing but it felt sort of hollow. Though it was "gotcha" worthy, it was well below what I knew he could have done to get one. It was genuinely a sad experience for me that left me reflective for quite some time. And today I realized why it hit me:

How must God feel?

Can you just imagine Him in heaven looking down with His pile of "gotchas"-blessings from on high that we cannot even imagine we are worthy or capable of receiving? He watches, knowing exactly what it is we must do to receive those blessings and WANTS desperately to have us do it so He can give us those things He wants us to have. But He CANNOT unless we are obedient to the things that predicate that blessing. He may be able to give us other blessings later on, but imagine how hollow it must feel to Him after watching us blow off what we really could do and become. It must break His heart. He can plead, He can beg, He can offer us EVERY opportunity and assistance we need, He can prompt, lead, guide, love, succor,- but He cannot force us nor can He bless us unless we are able to do what is asked of Truth and the Laws of the Universe to relieve that blessing; for God will not be mocked. And because He loves us and wants what's best for us how true the statement is:

IF ye love me keep my commandments

So let us forever show our love for Him, as He has shown His love for us to us in every way we can imagine.

It's Far Better to Sail than Row...

I don't know much about sailing, but I imagine it is a lot easier when the wind is blowing. Even if its a bit strong, it certainly means that if you know what you are doing, it will get you where you want to go faster. On the other hand, I don't imagine sailing in no wind is very fun. I personally have tried my hand at rowing once in a small lake in Jackson Hole, I ended up beached several times. We needed rescuing. Rowing just isn't very fun if you have to do it for a long time.

I was thinking about life in this way. When the wind blows, or when we have trials, if we adjust our sails (submit our will to God) than we can go very far in life. Adversely, when we have calm times in our lives, if we choose to progress, the oars must come out. It is much harder to progress in calm. It takes a lot more work, effort, and awareness. And so, God, in His mercy, usually blows us "toward the promised land" (Ether 6:8), for is always better to sail than to row.

God, before he sent each of his children to earth,

gave each of them a very carefully selected package of problems.

These, he promises smiling, are yours and yours alone.

No one else may have the blessings these problems bring you.

And only you have the special talents and abilities that will be needed to make these problems your servants.

Now you go down, to your birth and to your forgetfulness … know that I love you beyond measure.

These problems I give you are a symbol of my love.

The monument that you make of your life …

with the help of your problems …

will be a symbol of your love for me.

Your Father

-poet unknown

Remember

Any friend of the Green family became family after this rite of passage: if they knew what to do if the smoke detector went off. Our smoke detectors are incredible sensitive so that even slightly burned toast sets them off. So of course, dinner always included setting the smoke detectors off and rather than causing any sort of panic we simply had a fool proof procedure:

1) Open the side door

2) Grab the broom

3) Use the broom to waft the smoke out the door while some one else moved the door back and forth for extra wind power.

Everyone knew their place and position so it was usually a very seamless operation. Needless to say, the smoke alarm going off was never a source of panic or fear in our household.

One Sunday morning we were all laying asleep and the smoke alarm went off. It was about 5 or so in the morning so all I remember thinking is "who in the world cooked toast this early?" and I rolled over and went back to bed. But the sound didn't stop. I waited a whole hour annoyed that no one was running through the well known "smoke alarm drill". Finally I hear my Dad calls us down and we groggily go downstairs to find an actual fire in our kitchen. We call the fire department right away and thankfully the fire was out quickly with little damage to our home. I sat in shock as I actually remembered what smoke alarms were for; to warn us of fire-not call us down because dinner was ready.

In life we often get so used to how something is that it loses its meaning and power. The scriptures constantly warn us to "remember". Remember our covenants, remember our fathers, remember our blessings, and most of all, remember our Savior and our Heavenly Father. Things within the gospel of Jesus Christ are generally repetitive  Often we can let repetition destroy the power and wisdom of God's words to us. We can allow spiritual experiences that happen to us frequently to lose their impact on us. We can let miracles become a matter of course. We let feeling the Lord's love for us to be commonplace. We allow all the beauty of all the works of God to become like a sensitive smoke detector and we begin to not give them a second thought, or, worse yet, we begin to forget what they are really supposed to do for us in our lives. I testify that just as dangerous as it was for us to ignore the fire in our house because we'd let the smoke alarm become so meaningless to us, I know that whenever we begin to let prayer, or church, or scripture study, or miracles, or blessings, or the love of those around us, and most of all our relationship with Christ and God to become meaningless than we are subject to any kind of spiritual disaster this world can have in store for us. And that is why we must always remember, that is why we must never "go through the motions", for God will always remember us, and God will forever treat us with His full attention and compassion no matter how often our "smoke alarm goes off" to Him.

Alma 36:27-29

1 Nephi 7:10-12

1 Nephi 18:21

1 Nephi 21:15

The Science of Faith Part 3

Chemical vs Physical Change

I was in the seventh grade when I was educated in the difference between a chemical and physical change. A physical change doesn't change what the object is-it just changes its appearance. If need be it could be brought back again to its normal state. Like tearing a paper in half or sand papering a block of wood physical changes have little to do with what the substance ends up becoming. On the other hand chemical changes occur when the object's make up is actually altered to the point where the object can no longer go back to what it was before. It would be like lighting a log on fire and having it turn into ash-it is a completely new substance that cannot be turned back into wood. Chemical change often alters the appearance, but most importantly-it changes what the object is forever.

My new companion Sister Streeter has a song that is called "That's What Faith Can Do". As I listen to it I can't help but add to the list of miracles, faith can accomplish the miracle of change. True faith in the Savior and in His Atonement means that we come out of the experience a "new creature", "born again", "having no more a disposition to do evil"; in essence we have a "mighty change of heart" (Mosiah 5:2)(Enos 1:4-8). On the other hand, insufficient faith in what the Savior can and will do to our lives if we let Him results only in a temporary change in demeanor or action-in other words our heart changes not at all. The Gospel of Jesus Christ has a purpose far greater than changing our actions or our outward appearance; it has the power to envelope us into a new way of thinking, feeling, acting and being. I was once told that if I had faith in the Atonement I would realize that there "was nothing its love couldn't heal, nothing its power cannot make right" and as I exercise faith I am beginning to see that is the case. I know with all my heart that His Gospel is a Gospel of change-powerful enough to make us entirely new people that can and never will go back to who we were before. If we truly wish to experience "a mighty change of heart" than we must undergo the spiritual "chemical change" available only to those that believe and act on their belief in Christ, for His reply to this change in us has and always will be the same,

"be of good comfort, thy faith hath made thee whole." 

Luke 8:48

“If ye love me, keep my commandments,” Jesus said. So we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend. We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do. In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of the Lord. We can’t quit and we can’t go back. After an encounter with the living Son of the living God, nothing is ever again to be as it was before.

Elder Jeffery R. Holland

(To read full talk click here, to watch click below)

The Science of Faith Part 2

The Science of Faith Part 2

Faith and the Scientific Method

Often I think we see faith as vague and impossible to prove. The more I have studied my own faith and its growth I have come to understand how simple and logical faith is and can become. Really it is just as simple to come to know the truth of a spiritual principle as it is to come to a scientific one; and the process is essentially the same. In Alma 32 we learn about how faith can grow (like a seed), and when you look at it, it is nearly identical to the scientific process that I am sure many of us who have suffered through middle science are familiar with: ask a question, form a hypothesis, complete an experiment, gather results, and form a conclusion. Here is the same process related to faith:

Ask a Question(Alma 32:27): the search for any truth must begin with a desire  to know something we do not know or understand something we do not yet understand. Without that curiosity we will be unmotivated to fully go through the process that must be completed if we are to know something for ourselves. Whether it is which laundry detergent works best on my whites or is or isn't the Book of Mormon the word of God, unless we sincerely want to know we cannot ever know for ourselves for we will lack the will power we need to find out. And most importantly, we must carefully define what it is we really want to know. If our quest is vague our answer will be as well. There must be little room for gray area or we will never really know for sure (yes or no question or either something is or it isn't).

"if ye do not cast it out...(then) it will begin to swell within you" Alma 32:28

Form a Hypothesis(Alma 32:28): Once we have carefully defined what it is we want to know we must form a hypothesis; an "if then" statement based off of careful and reliable research. I may look at the active ingredients of detergent to determine which will work best and how I will know it worked best. I may read the Introduction to the Book of Mormon to understand what it is I have to do to know it is true and how I will know it. If I wash a shirt with a stain of equal size once with Tide and once with Purex then the stain will be smaller after I wash it with Tide. If I read the Book of Mormon every day for a month, and pray to know it is true, then I will feel increase of joy, peace, and understanding in my life (Galatians 5:22-23)

Complete an Experiment(Alma 32:37-40): This is the tricky part. I don't know about ya'll but when I was a kid I often was kicking myself during this part of my middle school science projects. I always forget about day 3 of 10 to do the daily things I needed for an experiment. I was the kid that two days before the science fair I realized that the two plants I was testing out hadn't actually ever been watered or even looked at and thus, I speedily had to make up results... In order for us to really get solid results we have to be diligent and consistent in running our experiment. Just as it is unfair to say one detergent works better than the other if we only complete half the steps of our experiment, it is unfair to determine a spiritual idea is false if we have failed to truly go through every step it asks us to to know. We must do the "if" of our "if then" hypothesis, that is read and prayer every day and reflect on how we feel as we do so, only then will we get fair results.
Gather Results(Alma 32:42-43): After we are finished with our experiment we must look over what happened and gather all the facts. We must compare red stains for how faded and how big they are in comparison and record the differences. We must reflect on how our month went and how we felt as we prayed to decide if we feel more peaceful or not after reading the Book of Mormon. We simply gather as unbiasedly as we can the facts we see before us. Until we do that we cannot form an opinion.
Make a Conclusion(Alma 32:34): No matter how clear results may look we still have the choice within us to make a conclusion. It is up to us to "taste of the fruit" of the seed we planted in order to decide if it is good or not. It is so important to open our hearts to what we see and more importantly feel in order for us to know what is right and true. This is one of the most vital steps for it is the last step that will make or break our faith in any given principle. It is what determines what we do and don't believe. This is the step in which our "faith becomes unshaken"-as we repeatedly see the results and are able to form conclusions from the results of our actions.

Faith is simply defined and built. God is a God of order and reason and He has laid out a way for us to know for ourselves, all we have to do is diligently follow the way He has so beautifully laid out for us to follow. If we do so we will know truth for ourselves, as assuredly as we can know anything else, for there are no more powerfully witnesses than the witness of the Spirit and the tangible results he brings into our lives as we act in faith. Through Him we truly can know "the truth of all things" (Moroni 10:5).

The Science of Faith Part 1

The last few months I have been studying faith and how we can build it. As I was studying I began to notice how much science and faith were alike. I have decided to do a couple three blogs on what I have found.

Part One: Precision and Accuracy

My senior year I took a statistics class and was educated in the difference between accuracy and precision. Accuracy is how close you get to somethings true value. Precision is how often you get the same results over a period of time in the same situation. Both are vital to getting valid and useful results.  I was thinking about how this relates to our faith.

The Stripling Warriors-Alma 57:21

In order for our faith to bring us true results we must be both accurate and precise. We must make sure our actions match up perfectly with what we are asked to do; we must be exactly obedient or accurate. We must also place our faith IN Christ and not anything else. Only when we are accurate in our faith can we expect and have an assurance that God will do His part. Like a function or machine what we put into it directly correlates with what we get out of it and thus the more accurate our actions or Faith in Christ become the more we are able to receive the blessings of the Lord (1 Nephi 1:20, Ether 12:6) and feel confident in His presence (Doctrine and Covenants 121:45)

In addition to accuracy we must make our faith precise or in other words consistent. Over time our actions must continue to fall close to the mark or we will never be able to enjoy the long term blessings of faith. When our actions are consistent we reap the results of these actions shaping us to be not just act more like our Savior. In short, when our faith is precise we become precisely what we came here to be-more like our Heavenly Father.

I know that though faith takes self-discipline, hard work, and diligence that if we treat it with the same deliberateness, dedication, and carefulness as scientists do than we will receive powerful life-altering results. Faith really can change our lives if we pay attention to the small details (Alma 37:6-7) that allow us to be both precise and accurate. True faith will always bring us blessings-for we have the greatest scientist telling us so: God.

Additional Scriptures:

Accuracy: Alma 57:21
Precision: 2 Nephi 31:20, Mosiah 2:41
 

He Loved Me Enough to Turn Off the A/C

When we begin to forget God, He will stop the flow of
blessings so that we turn to Him again.

I have always admired my Dad's creative mind-except when he has used it to prove a point. The occasion that I am thinking of is a time when he, my mother, my little sister, and I were all driving to Vegas to see a concert. It was the middle of the summer in the afternoon and it was a scorching hot desert to drive through, but of course, it didn't matter too much due to the wonderful invention of air conditioning. Soon I was so comfortable in my backseat with a pillow against the window and my headphones in that I began to doze off. My poor Dad was driving and soon I wasn't the only one asleep-my mother and sister had succumbed to the comfort of modern travel. Feeling a little lonely I'm sure, he began to try to make small talk with us but his efforts were fruitless. We would each give him a sleepy one word response and fall back asleep. Soon he gave up....or so we thought.

All I remember was that slowly I began to get a tad on the warm side. Being sleepy it didn't seem to register too much. But as time passed I went from discomfort to hot to sweaty and miserable; miserable enough to wake up fully and inquire why it was so hot. I wasn't alone. My mother soon piped in "Hey Mike, why is it so hot in here?" I happened to look up just in time to see my Dad grin like the Cheshire cat in the rear view mirror as he said "Oh, does it seem a little warm in here to you?"

He went on to explain that he had tried to get our attention with the small talk but as none of us seemed to be paying much attention to him he decided to cut off the flow of air, hoping to sweat us out. I believe he also justified this act by mentioning it was also giving us an opportunity to feel like the pioneers must have when they crossed the United States in heat. Really, he told us, it was a blessing in disguise. 

And you know what-it was, because I was able to enjoy the rest of the drive getting to know my Dad better, something I would've lost had the a/c stayed on. This is the same exact way our Heavenly Father looks at things. There is a verse in Helaman 12:3 that says:

"And thus we see that except the Lord doth chasten his people with many afflictions, yea, except he doth visit them with death and with terror, and with famine and with all manner of pestilence they will not remember him"

God will always wait patiently for us to awake and turn to Him

God knows what makes us most happy. He knows, like my Dad knows, that there a lot of things in life we can try to do to "pass the time" on our journey in life. But just as my Dad knows that falling asleep while listening to an IPod will never bring us as much joy as being able to have meaningful conversation with a loving Father, God knows nothing can replace the relationship we could have with Him. In those times when we seem to get distracted or forget or are too comfortable to talk to God He will withdraw the blessings that flow so easily into our lives. It is not out of punishment or anger but really out of love, for He knows that a little bit of hardship for a time is well worth the prize of remembering to call upon our loving Father-he knows that those blessings are far better than going through life comfortably distracted. And most of all, no matter how far away Heavenly Father gets from our minds, it is a comfort to know that we are never far from His-no matter how long we go without noticing Him. (Mosiah 27:30) He will never forget nor forsake us, and will do anything it takes to help us remember Him, so that we may be truly happy in this life.

The Grapes of Wrath

My father loves to make things out of our garden. From pickles to nuts to freezing green beans we have tried making many things from our garden. Usually our ideas stem from us growing way more than we would ever want of something (side note: never plant more than one zucchini plant unless you plan on making zucchini bread every day for at least 3 months). One year in particular we had far too many grapes. My Mom hopelessly tried to juice them but it was time-consuming and yielded very little profit. So, my Dad came to the rescue with a fool proof idea: raisins. They had to be pretty easy to make and they don't go bad very quickly so it was the perfect solution-or so we thought.
Turns out there are a few steps to making grapes; you have to de-stem them and then spread them out and then put some lemon juice on them before you set them out to dry in the sun. Pretty simple but surprisingly time consuming, especially with little home-grown grapes. We all soon were rather tired of making raisins, but we kept going as best we could. My Dad came in one day and saw our red rimmed eyes, bleeding fingers from de-stemming (that may or may not be an exaggeration), and the huge pile of grapes yet to undergo the process of becoming raisins and took pity on us. He proposed yet another idea: to just throw the grapes outside and without de-stemming them or putting lemon juice on them. We told him we didn't think that would work, we would be missing some key steps, but he told us he doubted it mattered much and that he was sure it would work and save us a lot of time and effort. So we did as he suggested, we simply unceremoniously placed the grapes on cookie sheets, covered it all with a sheet, and waited. Then we waited some more. Then we mourned the fact that for a whole week no one had been able to use any cookie sheets because they were all still outside. Then we waited a little longer. Finally, when the fruit flies showed up we decided it was time to throw the now rotting grapes away and reclaim our cookie sheets... Needless to say it had been a bit of a failure-though a well meaning and noble try.

In essence we are all grapes right now doing our best to become more like raisins (Christ and Heavenly Father). The steps of the Gospel of Jesus Christ are simple and easy to follow, but sometimes we seek to find an easier, shorter way. But just like a grape will never be a raisin without it undergoing a precise but simple process, we can never reach our potential without carefully following each step of the Gospel of Jesus Christ (faith, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end). Nephi, a prophet in the Book of Mormon said:
"wherefore, they shall come to the knowledge of their Redeemer and the very points of his doctrine, that they may know how to come unto him and be saved." (1 Nephi 15:14)
Let us each learn more about the very points of Christ's doctrine, so that we too can reach our full potential.