Do Not Let It Beat Me

In High School this could easily have referred to track and field. But it means something far more to me now. A few years ago my brother-in-law was diagnosed with ALS. Some of you may be familiar with this from "Tuesdays with Morrey". In a nutshell the patient has their muscles slowly shut down in random order and in random spurts, until, usually within 2-5 years, the patient dies from lack of breathing. Do I really know why this happened? I am beginning too, because despite what it has done to us, it has done a lot of things for us. And for the first time in my life, I really am beginning to understand what that means.
The Hunger Games is one of my favorite movies/books. I find myself having to defend the fact that it is about kids brutally killing one another for food/money/glory because of what the book is really trying to say. One of my favorite moments is when one of the characters, Peeta, tells the main character, Katniss, that even though he is about to enter an arena where he either dies or kills, there is one thing he will hold onto: himself. The government may have taken away many of his freedoms, it may be forcing him to enter into the arena, and it may have a lot to say about his life, but it cannot determine who he becomes. In short, they cannot beat him-for "they do not own [him]". No matter how ugly the situation gets, he will not fall into the trap of becoming hollow and cruel. I know we all wonder how we would be in extreme conditions, would we be the ones who gave up, the ones who became cruel, or would we rise to the occasion? And now I finally understand why that means so much to me, because it is what I have been praying for for a long time now.

Ever since I got home from my mission (which was this January), I have tried to come to terms with, Ben, my brother-in-law's-illness. In the mission field it was hard for it to seem real. When I left he had just been diagnosed and could still do most things pretty normally. Now, about all he can do is move his fingers, his legs, and his head. Even talking to hard and tiring, and frankly, I haven't known what to do. Part of me wants to stay distant, thinking it will be easier if I'm less attached. Part of me wants to be there every second and spend what time I have with him. Part of me is so scared that it is hard to be by him. Part of me is so grateful and hopeful that all I want to do is be by him. And all these parts of me have been pretty much an awful tug-o-war inside of me. But tonight, as I got home from work and sat in my kitchen thinking, I realized that this was what Peeta was talking about, and I asked myself, "are you really going to let this beat you?"
Then I realized, this is what it was like to be in a situation where you had to decide, and you had to decide quick. I always thought that it would be obvious when the time came, that it would be a huge crossroads, but until now, I wasn't even aware that that was where I was. No, I'm not in a war or a natural disaster or in a Hollywood zombie apocalypse where I am forced to become more human or more animal, but I am still in a place to choose. I, like Peeta, do not have to let ALS own me, define me, control me. I, like Peeta, can still show it and God and myself that it cannot change me for the worse, it cannot beat me, it cannot not make me what I don't want to be. And because I see that now, I have the strength to do it.
So watch out ALS, I will not let you beat me. And whoever you are, and whatever you are facing:

and do not let it beat you either.

Charity Never: Now That's Something to Smile About

"Charity never faileth.." The scriptures are filled with this phrase, in one form or another. I think of my "fall back" plans or "plan z's" in situations that up until now have always come through for me. It is sort of like, as a kid, I knew that if my Nintendo cartridge wasn't working that all I had to do was blow on it in the inside and it would work. Don't ask me how any of us of that generation knew to do that, but we all did. And you know what? It never failed me. No matter how panicked I got that my game was forever ruined I had a calm reassurance inside saying, "but if this doesn't work, at least you can always blow on it, that never fails". 

How many of us realize the power of realization? I mean, how much of a difference does it make when we KNOW we have a foolproof "plan z", a win all ace card of life decisions? Think of what our lives would be if we realized that that was what charity IS, to its very core. It is a principle, a characteristic, a way of life that if used it will never ever let us down. If applied, and eventually when it is in us, there will be no situation or choice or trial that we cannot come out of with joy. And that joy will come with the knowledge that we did exactly as Christ would have us do, because, when we act with perfect charity we literally are doing what Christ did do while He was here, and is there really a better way to do things? And knowing that, even when things get really bad-I mean gut wrenching heart breakingly so-there is peace in knowing that we have something that will never let us down. And that gives me a lot of hope. So what is charity? Why does it never fail? When I was serving a mission my last companion, Sister Streeter, had memorized what would become one of my favorite quotes:

Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again. It makes the thought of being a basher repulsive.
Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other. -Marvin J. Ashton 

 And to me, in the end, that is what never fails-expecting the best of each other. Because, it is when we do that that we begin to be the best of ourselves, because, like or not, we are very liable to being what those around us expect us to be, so why not let others feel they can be their best around us? Charity is a word of infinite feelings, expressions, and definitions, something that takes a lifetime to understand. But this I do know, that expecting the best of each other, expecting the best of ourselves, and expecting that God will do His best for us is part of charity, and no matter how little a part of charity we have and understand, it will never fail us. And you know what? That is something smile about.

Cinderella Man: When I am Weak I am Strong

When we are weak we are strong,
and therein lies true happiness

Cinderella Man is a movie about a boxer during the Great Depression. In the movie he is a good boxer but favors his right hand, never really using his weaker left. During a fight he breaks his right hand, forcing him to find other work. Without steady work their lives begin to become more and more desperate and destitute. Finally, when his hand heals he returns to boxing. Even though it has been a long time since he has trained or boxed at all he has a miraculous winning streak, brining his family and friends out of financial turmoil, giving back to all that helped him. What was the secret to his success? Well you'd have to ask him, but one thing that is mentioned by his coach/trainer is that his boxing has improved because he uses his left hand now. Because for so long he had to rely on his left hand only it got stronger and stronger until he could use it to box as well as his right hand.
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them" Ether 12:27
I've learned that we are strongest when we are weak. Indeed it is a blessing. It is when God takes our strengths away or puts us in difficult situations that we are forced to make our weakness strong. Even though it is hard and frustrating and disappointing road, it ends in a "happily ever after", just as it did for the Cinderella Man. He never would have reached his potential as a boxer nor have been able to get the same amount of money for his family had he not first broke his right hand. I testify that there is nothing stronger in us than our very weaknesses, because when we give them to God, we will one day have none left to give Him. What a beautiful day that will be, but for now, I am grateful that I am weak, for it is then that I am strong.

Rowing vs Sailing Part II: When to Sail

I am no seaman but I would imagine any good one could tell you the importance of leaving shore during the right time of the day, namely, to leave with the tide not against it. Rather than rowing with all their might towards the open ocean, they patiently wait and carefully prepare to leave at the right moment to make their push to sea easier than it otherwise might have been had they not waited. In other words, they know the importance of timing.
My life has been filled with instances that have taught me the importance of timing. It was timing that allowed me to serve my mission with my one of my best friends. It is timing that allowed to have the student teaching placement I have right now. It is timing that allowed me to meet the people I have met in life. Quite literally, like an eroded cliff side, I have been defined by time.
Our Father in Heaven and His Son Jesus Christ understand better than any seasoned seaman the importance of timing. They built our ship; they know how long and how wide it is, how much it weighs, how it sits on the water, how much experience the crew has, how the sails billow and what type of wind makes them billow the best, and most of all, He knows what lies ahead. After-all, Christ is the master carpenter, and He knows us better than we can ever hope to know ourselves.
So next time you are tempted to row away from shore, to start your journey prematurely because you see life as a trip complete and not a journey to experience, ponder carefully and remember that it is always better to sail than to row.

Unexpected Lessons from a 4th Grade Classroom

Five days after returning home from my mission I began my student teaching in a 4th grade classroom near my home. For my first week I remained mostly an observer; learning the students' names, getting the classroom rules and procedures down, and remembering what it was like to be in a classroom after a year and a half of never stepping inside of one. My mentor teacher gave me "gotchas" which are little slips of paper students get if they are on task or if they do something kind or their homework neatly or what have you. At the end of the day they put their names on it and put it in a bowl that the teacher randomly picks 5 names from and those 5 get a piece of candy. Of course, the more your name is in there the better the chance they have of getting candy so the students love getting those slip of papers. So, seeing them get excited to get them made me excited to give them out. Plus, the more I got to know each student the more I wanted to give them slips because I began to care more and more about them every day. I began to look so hard all over the classroom just for a chance to give someone a paper. It has become one of my favorite parts of teaching.
One afternoon the students were presenting a science project each of them had done. There was a student who was a super good and sharp kid but also very rowdy. He kept leaning back on his chair and messing around and in general just not listening to really anything going on in the science lesson. I went and stood by him which made him stop for awhile, but not long. I asked him to hold still, that I knew it was hard, but that it was the respectful thing to do. I sat back and mentally told myself, "if he makes it 3-4 minutes without doing anything rowdy I am going to give him a gotcha because I know how hard it really is for him to sit still". I sat there, ticking down the time, praying he'd make it, and every time at the last minute or right at the beginning or in the middle of the time frame he'd act out again. I just remember it suddenly being so important to me that he make it. I even began to pray and "will" him with my mind to sit still so I could give him a gotcha. But he never did. Later on he did something else I was able to give him a gotcha for doing but it felt sort of hollow. Though it was "gotcha" worthy, it was well below what I knew he could have done to get one. It was genuinely a sad experience for me that left me reflective for quite some time. And today I realized why it hit me:

How must God feel?

Can you just imagine Him in heaven looking down with His pile of "gotchas"-blessings from on high that we cannot even imagine we are worthy or capable of receiving? He watches, knowing exactly what it is we must do to receive those blessings and WANTS desperately to have us do it so He can give us those things He wants us to have. But He CANNOT unless we are obedient to the things that predicate that blessing. He may be able to give us other blessings later on, but imagine how hollow it must feel to Him after watching us blow off what we really could do and become. It must break His heart. He can plead, He can beg, He can offer us EVERY opportunity and assistance we need, He can prompt, lead, guide, love, succor,- but He cannot force us nor can He bless us unless we are able to do what is asked of Truth and the Laws of the Universe to relieve that blessing; for God will not be mocked. And because He loves us and wants what's best for us how true the statement is:

IF ye love me keep my commandments

So let us forever show our love for Him, as He has shown His love for us to us in every way we can imagine.

It's Far Better to Sail than Row...

I don't know much about sailing, but I imagine it is a lot easier when the wind is blowing. Even if its a bit strong, it certainly means that if you know what you are doing, it will get you where you want to go faster. On the other hand, I don't imagine sailing in no wind is very fun. I personally have tried my hand at rowing once in a small lake in Jackson Hole, I ended up beached several times. We needed rescuing. Rowing just isn't very fun if you have to do it for a long time.

I was thinking about life in this way. When the wind blows, or when we have trials, if we adjust our sails (submit our will to God) than we can go very far in life. Adversely, when we have calm times in our lives, if we choose to progress, the oars must come out. It is much harder to progress in calm. It takes a lot more work, effort, and awareness. And so, God, in His mercy, usually blows us "toward the promised land" (Ether 6:8), for is always better to sail than to row.

God, before he sent each of his children to earth,

gave each of them a very carefully selected package of problems.

These, he promises smiling, are yours and yours alone.

No one else may have the blessings these problems bring you.

And only you have the special talents and abilities that will be needed to make these problems your servants.

Now you go down, to your birth and to your forgetfulness … know that I love you beyond measure.

These problems I give you are a symbol of my love.

The monument that you make of your life …

with the help of your problems …

will be a symbol of your love for me.

Your Father

-poet unknown

Remember

Any friend of the Green family became family after this rite of passage: if they knew what to do if the smoke detector went off. Our smoke detectors are incredible sensitive so that even slightly burned toast sets them off. So of course, dinner always included setting the smoke detectors off and rather than causing any sort of panic we simply had a fool proof procedure:

1) Open the side door

2) Grab the broom

3) Use the broom to waft the smoke out the door while some one else moved the door back and forth for extra wind power.

Everyone knew their place and position so it was usually a very seamless operation. Needless to say, the smoke alarm going off was never a source of panic or fear in our household.

One Sunday morning we were all laying asleep and the smoke alarm went off. It was about 5 or so in the morning so all I remember thinking is "who in the world cooked toast this early?" and I rolled over and went back to bed. But the sound didn't stop. I waited a whole hour annoyed that no one was running through the well known "smoke alarm drill". Finally I hear my Dad calls us down and we groggily go downstairs to find an actual fire in our kitchen. We call the fire department right away and thankfully the fire was out quickly with little damage to our home. I sat in shock as I actually remembered what smoke alarms were for; to warn us of fire-not call us down because dinner was ready.

In life we often get so used to how something is that it loses its meaning and power. The scriptures constantly warn us to "remember". Remember our covenants, remember our fathers, remember our blessings, and most of all, remember our Savior and our Heavenly Father. Things within the gospel of Jesus Christ are generally repetitive  Often we can let repetition destroy the power and wisdom of God's words to us. We can allow spiritual experiences that happen to us frequently to lose their impact on us. We can let miracles become a matter of course. We let feeling the Lord's love for us to be commonplace. We allow all the beauty of all the works of God to become like a sensitive smoke detector and we begin to not give them a second thought, or, worse yet, we begin to forget what they are really supposed to do for us in our lives. I testify that just as dangerous as it was for us to ignore the fire in our house because we'd let the smoke alarm become so meaningless to us, I know that whenever we begin to let prayer, or church, or scripture study, or miracles, or blessings, or the love of those around us, and most of all our relationship with Christ and God to become meaningless than we are subject to any kind of spiritual disaster this world can have in store for us. And that is why we must always remember, that is why we must never "go through the motions", for God will always remember us, and God will forever treat us with His full attention and compassion no matter how often our "smoke alarm goes off" to Him.

Alma 36:27-29

1 Nephi 7:10-12

1 Nephi 18:21

1 Nephi 21:15