Stones, Serpents, and Chocolate Cake

As a missionary there are often themes that occur every week. These themes range from good to bad to neutral. Whether its slammed doors, prophets, or pumpkin pie you can bet that pert near every week will have a common thread. One week in particular it happened to be a theme of chocolate cake. I for one have no complaints with that being the case because there is nothing I love more than chocolate cake. I especially love to eat it for breakfast. There is no better way to start your day than with two slices of moist, delicious, chocolate cake.
Well, to summarize what my first companion told other sisters about me, "I can put it away". I don't know what it is but some days I can just eat and eat and eat and my stomach just never seems to get full. One night after a good hard days work we sat down and ate one of the most delicious meals of my mission. I was starving and it was divine to be able to eat. Once I finished my first plate I noticed that no one else was taking seconds. I was still hungry but I didn't want to treat the nice dinner like the Golden Coral, especially if no one else was going to eat a second helping. Staring at all the food was maddening, but it was nothing compared to what came next. Desert came out and it was one of those nice big pans of boxed cake mix with chocolate frosting. We were each served a nice sized piece and I must admit I sort of zoned in on that piece of cake. Before I knew it my plate was clean and I looked up and saw that everyone else was just eating their second or third bite. Not only did I feel "piggish" as my great-grandmother would say, I now had a lot of free time to look over at the rest of the cake. I'll admit I may have offered up the desires of my heart (or stomach really) to my Heavenly Father "please let them offer to let us take some home, after all, its a big cake and there are only two of them". As soon as I finished I heard the member ask "Would you Sisters like to take some home? After all, it is a big cake, and there are only two of us". I was grinning ear to ear, but I told my self to wait three seconds to respond, after all, I didn't want my answer to be "YES I WOULD LOVE SOME!" I needed to calm down enough to say "yes please, thank you very much". But, alas, my pause cost me dearly for my companion piped in "no, we have plenty of sweets back home, but thank you for the offer". I was crushed.
The second we got out of there I told my companion, "never, ever, under any circumstance, no matter what we have at home, no matter how full we are, no matter who offers, just no matter what, never, ever, ever, turn down chocolate cake. Ever." Needless to say we laughed about it and moved on. But, the good part is, that the very next day we had another great dinner appointment. At the end the members announced that there was desert, and not just any desert, but a chocolate cake that was made from scratch from a recipe that she got from a bakery that paid 2000$ for it. She added that she purposely made tons extra and that we HAD to take some home with us. My prayer had been answered!
Often times we go through life thinking we need something, and that we need it now. I for one have often told Heavenly Father about what I think He needs to send my way. It is then that the Spirit nudges me to remember Matthew 7:7-11:

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?"
I know that because God is our loving Heavenly Father that He knows us far better than we know ourselves. He also loves us far more than to just hand over exactly what we think we need right when we ask for it. Here as earthly parents we strive to love our children enough not to give them exactly what they ask for every time they ask for something. We do this because we have a broader perspective then they do and we know what they actually need is far better than what they ask for sometimes. Heavenly Father works the same way. He has the big perspective and He knows that just around the corner is a homemade from scratch cake and that if I give up the box cake today, He can give me the homemade one tomorrow. He is a perfect father and He knows "how to give good gifts to his children" far better than we do. I know that because of this our prayers will never go unanswered, even if they are answered differently or later than we wanted. I also know that this is evidence that our Father loves us enough to answer our prayers perfectly rather than how we want them to be answered. Often times it means giving up the box cake, but this allows God to step in with the homemade one-we just have to be patient enough to receive it.
For my companion's version of this story click here
For my sister's thoughts on Matthew 7:7-11 click here

Don't Punch Your Sister!

When I was a teenage grump, I did something I will never forget; I went into a barbaric frenzy. Why? Well, in my defense, I was provoked, but I guess it was still no excuse. I was about 15 years old and my family and I were skiing up north for the day with some relatives. My little sister, who was about 10 at the time, and our cousin Kaden who was about 9, were all headed down the mountain for our last run. For some reason we began throwing snowballs at one another as we headed down. This exciting game soon escalated into my little sister Jess deciding to hit me with her ski pole. To this day I still don't know exactly why that upset me so, perhaps I was just not in a state of inner-peace in general, but I became unhinged right away. Seeing my playful smile turn rapidly into a face resembling a half starved and rabid wolf, she began to quickly ski down the mountain with me right behind her yelling. Many a helpless onlookers watched us as we headed down, Jessica hopelessly trying to get me off her tail. Eventually, we got to the bottom of the hill and there was literally no where for her to go; she was stuck. I caught up to her and grabbed her pole and began hitting her repeatedly with it with one hand and throwing snow down her back with the other hand. If you ask Kaden about it it still gives him the shivers remembering the awful scene. I took a sibling argument to a whole new level.
The vengeful blood-lust lasted only a minute or two, but the aftermath lasted a lot longer. As I suddenly came to myself I saw my poor kid sister crying in the snow. Immediately I was filled with the most horrible feeling of regret I have ever felt. I could hardly believe what I had done. I began apologizing over and over, helped her up, and of course added "don't tell Mom or Dad!". For weeks I felt guilty even looking over at her. I never wanted to do anything like that to anyone ever again.


Sadly, about three years later, I did. I just got home from basketball practice and I wasn't in the best of moods. Of course, walking in and finding out it was time for Family Home Evening did not improve my sentiments. My mood was drastically darkened when I was then informed that we had a "guest" speaker for FHE; someone here to teach us self-defense. If I had it my way I would have rather had my Dad buy us all some mace or a tazer and called it good, but nonetheless I sat down to participate. After a few minutes of instruction we were put in pairs to practice blocking a punch. Of course I was paired up with Jessica. Not only could she block all my punches, I couldn't block any of her punches. Of course being the older sister by 5 years I was annoyed that she was better at this than I was. My pride set in, and the fact that she began to brag and rub it in only fueled that pride. Before long I lost control and stated "block this!" and punched her as hard as I could. She dropped to the floor in a ball and my mind flashed back to the bottom of that ski hill. Of course I helped her up and said "don't tell Mom and Dad", but the rest of the night I felt awful. It was then that I realized something; if I didn't want to feel that awful feeling of guilt and regret I needed to do something about it. I didn't just need to tell myself not to do that anymore, I needed to change my very being to become someone who didn't even think to do that anymore. In short I didn't need to change my behavior, I needed to change my character.


Now Jessica (above) and I never fight,
because I experienced a "mighty change of heart"

 Now this story may be familiar to some because I always use this story when we teach about repentance. Repentance is often taught as a five step process 1)Recognition of doing something that is not in line with God's teachings 2)Remorse for what you have done 3)Asking for forgiveness from Heavenly Father 4)Restitution or making things right with anyone you harmed in the process 5)Forsaking or never doing it again. A lot of times we get stuck on one of these five steps. Sometimes we are so filled with the remorse step that we sell ourselves short of being able to make lasting change and feel that that is "just how we are and always will be". As a representative of Jesus Christ and His Gospel I testify that that just isn't true. The Atonement of Jesus Christ gives us actual tangible power to overcome any and all weaknesses that we see in ourselves. When we humbly submit ourselves to Him and have Faith that the Atonement can help us and Hope in ourselves that we really can change and that the Atonement really will help us do so than we will experience something far greater than simply a change of behavior; we will experience a "mighty change of heart." This change of heart was experienced by a group of people; and this is what they said about it "Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually." (Mosiah 5:2)
I don't know about you but to me a change of heart sounds much better than a change of behavior. Fighting with ourselves every day to "make" ourselves do what we think we should do can be and is exhausting, frustrating, and discouraging. But if we let truly repent, following all the steps to forsaking, then God will turn that forsaking into a change of heart, and we won't be fighting against ourselves anymore but will become "new creatures"(2 Corinthians 5:17). That is why Christ is the Prince of Peace, through His Atonement we will no longer be fighting ourselves anymore, because we will want to do what is right. And for anyone wondering, to my knowledge, I have not acted in anger or violence to my little sister since that day, and I can honestly say I don't really desire to, ever, because this time, I did more than change my behavior, I turned it over to God so that He could change my heart.
For scriptural accounts about this:
Enos 1:1-8
Alma 23-24 (Alma 24:16-19)
Mosiah chapter 3-5

Patience

Last week I gave a talk in church on Hope. As I was studying hope I read a scripture story that showed me hope's close kin; patience. The story is an account told in Ether of the Book of Mormon. It is about a group of people who flee into the wilderness after the fall of the Tower of Babel. The Lord leads them away and tells them He is leading them to a promise land. After years of travel they arrive at a little body of water and the Lord instructs them to build barges and sail accross, which they do. They travel some more until they hit the ocean and once again they are asked to build some barges and sail accross. For the sake of keeping this blog short I'll speed past the building of the barges and into the actaul voyage. Here are the details of that trip:

"when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord"

-The only light they had was two stones

-Inside the barges was all their food, family, and livestock
-They had no sail, oars, or compass for them to guide themselves with
-They had to open a hole in the top in order to get air inside their ship and risk water flooding in
-The journey was around a year long

-The winds did "never cease to blow"

-From what we can tell they wasn't any way for the barges to communicate with each other



To me, there isn't much about that trip that sounds exciting, enjoyable, or relaxing. If I were on one of those barges I would be throwing a miserable fit. I would be annoyed, I would be grumpy, and I would be scared for the future. On a good day I might console myself with thoughts of "well, at least it will be worth it once we get to the promised land". The amazing thing is that that is not what any of those people did. In Ether 6:9-10 it says "And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea...and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.". Personally, it would take the voyage being a paid production of a reality T.V. show that was also strictly a musical for me to even sing a note during the trip. Why? Because I lack patience. And that got me thinking, what is patience?


Patience is more than passive waiting,
it is actively finding ways to be happy now

 My whole life I thought of patience as waiting. We are patient in lines, at doctor's appointments, or while waiting for water to boil while fixing dinner. That is what came to mind when I thought of the word patience. But then I realized something; wasn't that just waiting? And I finally understood that  patience does not equate waiting. Anyone can wait. That takes no talent at all. Waiters come a dime a dozen. So what sets waiting apart from patience? I think its being like those people on the barges; its learning to work hard to be happy now and not wait to be happy when the future seems brighter. When we truly have hope in our hearts that not only allows us to wait through trials because we know the future will be better, it allows us to be patient in trials. And how does hope do that for us? I think it is because when we have hope for a better future we realize that there is a reason for the hard stuff in between. We realize that life isn't about "earning" good things by "suffering" bad things. We see that the bad things in life are what makes life so good because that is how we grow and that is how we become (2 Nephi 2: 11). When we see life that way we realize we are capable of so much more than just waiting for the bad to be over; we have it in us to enjoy and grow in the bad as we wait for the good. We have hope in ourselves that we have the ability to master any hard circumstance and say "come what may and love it". It is this concept that has made this my favorite scripture by Jacob, "Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves" (2 Nephi 10:23). We always have the choice to be happy now-and exercising that right it true patience.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be,
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have winced but not cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance,
My head is bloodied but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears,
Looms but the horror of the shade.
And yet the menace of the years,
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
William Earnest Henley

The Holy Ghost and Snowmobiling

When I was about 14 my family took a vacation to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. It was sort of a tradition to go skiing there a few days after Christmas and to spend some time with some of our family living nearby in Pocatello, Idaho. This year was just a little different though, because this year we were taking a day off from our skiing adventures to try our hand at snowmobiling.
I had a little bit of excitement at the thought of it-I had never been before and I was anxious to try it out. Plus, we weren't just going anywhere, we were headed for some hot springs. We got to the rental place and they suited us up in gear; sleek black snowsuits and black visor-ed helmets. I remember feeling a little bit like Speed Racer in the get up and I was excited to drive, but my parents wisely suggested I ride behind my older brother for the first half of the trip first to get the hang of it. Impatient but obedient, I hopped on the back of my brother's snowmobile.
After a hour or so we stopped to break and play in the snow. I was begging to drive the entire time, so eventually, my brother gave in and handed the keys over. I was shaking I was so excited. I hopped on, fired her up and waited for my brother to get on back. Soon we were on our way.

Besides Mario Kart this was my first time really ever driving a vehicle. What my brother and I soon found out is that I did not have an aptitude at driving. I tend to speed up rapidly, panic, brake, get far behind, panic, speed up too fast again, and then continue on the vicious cycle. This horrible pattern was soon intensified by the fact that we began traveling on a road next to a little ravine. Scared at how close the edge looked I began veering very much to the right side of the road into the hill on that side. The snowmobile would ride up the hill a bit until I panicked once again and turned sharply to the left to get off, only to feel to close to the ravine again. My poor brother was at his wits end by the time we got to this nice open field. I could practically hear his sigh of relief. It was only just a little louder than my own. Unfortunately the big open field was a little less open than I thought. To me the whole area looked like a big huge space of white. It wasn't snowing and the sun wasn't that bright yet I swear I was somehow experiencing a white out. I just kept driving along, faster and faster, trying desperately to catch up to the rest of the gang. I could hear my brother shouting something at me the whole time and I felt his arm pointing to something, but I was too discombobulated to really pay attention. Suddenly I experienced this horrible feeling of having no ground underneath me and then; wham! I was head first in the snow. I slowly got up, wondering what had happened. I saw my brother a few feet behind me, the snowmobile halfway in the snow, and saw above us all a little ravine I had somehow driven us off of into the snow below. Needless to say I was embarrassed, confused, and scared.
Luckily there was no damage, someone drove the snowmobile back up the bank, and I was rightfully banished to ride behind someone again. I later found out that what my brother had been doing behind me was pointing to the road and yelling "road, road, Road, ROAD!" to no avail. I had been too preoccupied and confused to listen-hence we ended up flying off of a ridge.

In our own lives we have similar experiences. We are all on our journey in life, excited to "drive the vehicle" and take ourselves where we want to go. Though we ourselves may be inexperienced, we have the right to receive constant guidance from someone who knows perfectly the path laid before us; the Holy Ghost. He can help us understand not only where to go, but how to get there. Often in life we become too overwhelmed, stressed out, and frustrated to listen to his gentle promptings. Then, if we are really getting ourselves into trouble, he begins to shout, point, and make a ruckus in general to save us from spiritually wrecking. Even then, if we have allowed our minds to be clouded by disobedience, worldly influence, or just plain old distractions of the world and stress of day to day life, we still might not hear or understand his council. At that point, we are sure to wreck. I am eternally grateful that even when we wreck we have access to the Atonement that will restore our lives and put us back on the path, this time with a little more help, until we are ready to drive again toward our spiritual destinations.