Do Not Let It Beat Me

In High School this could easily have referred to track and field. But it means something far more to me now. A few years ago my brother-in-law was diagnosed with ALS. Some of you may be familiar with this from "Tuesdays with Morrey". In a nutshell the patient has their muscles slowly shut down in random order and in random spurts, until, usually within 2-5 years, the patient dies from lack of breathing. Do I really know why this happened? I am beginning too, because despite what it has done to us, it has done a lot of things for us. And for the first time in my life, I really am beginning to understand what that means.
The Hunger Games is one of my favorite movies/books. I find myself having to defend the fact that it is about kids brutally killing one another for food/money/glory because of what the book is really trying to say. One of my favorite moments is when one of the characters, Peeta, tells the main character, Katniss, that even though he is about to enter an arena where he either dies or kills, there is one thing he will hold onto: himself. The government may have taken away many of his freedoms, it may be forcing him to enter into the arena, and it may have a lot to say about his life, but it cannot determine who he becomes. In short, they cannot beat him-for "they do not own [him]". No matter how ugly the situation gets, he will not fall into the trap of becoming hollow and cruel. I know we all wonder how we would be in extreme conditions, would we be the ones who gave up, the ones who became cruel, or would we rise to the occasion? And now I finally understand why that means so much to me, because it is what I have been praying for for a long time now.

Ever since I got home from my mission (which was this January), I have tried to come to terms with, Ben, my brother-in-law's-illness. In the mission field it was hard for it to seem real. When I left he had just been diagnosed and could still do most things pretty normally. Now, about all he can do is move his fingers, his legs, and his head. Even talking to hard and tiring, and frankly, I haven't known what to do. Part of me wants to stay distant, thinking it will be easier if I'm less attached. Part of me wants to be there every second and spend what time I have with him. Part of me is so scared that it is hard to be by him. Part of me is so grateful and hopeful that all I want to do is be by him. And all these parts of me have been pretty much an awful tug-o-war inside of me. But tonight, as I got home from work and sat in my kitchen thinking, I realized that this was what Peeta was talking about, and I asked myself, "are you really going to let this beat you?"
Then I realized, this is what it was like to be in a situation where you had to decide, and you had to decide quick. I always thought that it would be obvious when the time came, that it would be a huge crossroads, but until now, I wasn't even aware that that was where I was. No, I'm not in a war or a natural disaster or in a Hollywood zombie apocalypse where I am forced to become more human or more animal, but I am still in a place to choose. I, like Peeta, do not have to let ALS own me, define me, control me. I, like Peeta, can still show it and God and myself that it cannot change me for the worse, it cannot beat me, it cannot not make me what I don't want to be. And because I see that now, I have the strength to do it.
So watch out ALS, I will not let you beat me. And whoever you are, and whatever you are facing:

and do not let it beat you either.

Charity Never: Now That's Something to Smile About

"Charity never faileth.." The scriptures are filled with this phrase, in one form or another. I think of my "fall back" plans or "plan z's" in situations that up until now have always come through for me. It is sort of like, as a kid, I knew that if my Nintendo cartridge wasn't working that all I had to do was blow on it in the inside and it would work. Don't ask me how any of us of that generation knew to do that, but we all did. And you know what? It never failed me. No matter how panicked I got that my game was forever ruined I had a calm reassurance inside saying, "but if this doesn't work, at least you can always blow on it, that never fails". 

How many of us realize the power of realization? I mean, how much of a difference does it make when we KNOW we have a foolproof "plan z", a win all ace card of life decisions? Think of what our lives would be if we realized that that was what charity IS, to its very core. It is a principle, a characteristic, a way of life that if used it will never ever let us down. If applied, and eventually when it is in us, there will be no situation or choice or trial that we cannot come out of with joy. And that joy will come with the knowledge that we did exactly as Christ would have us do, because, when we act with perfect charity we literally are doing what Christ did do while He was here, and is there really a better way to do things? And knowing that, even when things get really bad-I mean gut wrenching heart breakingly so-there is peace in knowing that we have something that will never let us down. And that gives me a lot of hope. So what is charity? Why does it never fail? When I was serving a mission my last companion, Sister Streeter, had memorized what would become one of my favorite quotes:

Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again. It makes the thought of being a basher repulsive.
Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other. -Marvin J. Ashton 

 And to me, in the end, that is what never fails-expecting the best of each other. Because, it is when we do that that we begin to be the best of ourselves, because, like or not, we are very liable to being what those around us expect us to be, so why not let others feel they can be their best around us? Charity is a word of infinite feelings, expressions, and definitions, something that takes a lifetime to understand. But this I do know, that expecting the best of each other, expecting the best of ourselves, and expecting that God will do His best for us is part of charity, and no matter how little a part of charity we have and understand, it will never fail us. And you know what? That is something smile about.

Cinderella Man: When I am Weak I am Strong

When we are weak we are strong,
and therein lies true happiness

Cinderella Man is a movie about a boxer during the Great Depression. In the movie he is a good boxer but favors his right hand, never really using his weaker left. During a fight he breaks his right hand, forcing him to find other work. Without steady work their lives begin to become more and more desperate and destitute. Finally, when his hand heals he returns to boxing. Even though it has been a long time since he has trained or boxed at all he has a miraculous winning streak, brining his family and friends out of financial turmoil, giving back to all that helped him. What was the secret to his success? Well you'd have to ask him, but one thing that is mentioned by his coach/trainer is that his boxing has improved because he uses his left hand now. Because for so long he had to rely on his left hand only it got stronger and stronger until he could use it to box as well as his right hand.
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them" Ether 12:27
I've learned that we are strongest when we are weak. Indeed it is a blessing. It is when God takes our strengths away or puts us in difficult situations that we are forced to make our weakness strong. Even though it is hard and frustrating and disappointing road, it ends in a "happily ever after", just as it did for the Cinderella Man. He never would have reached his potential as a boxer nor have been able to get the same amount of money for his family had he not first broke his right hand. I testify that there is nothing stronger in us than our very weaknesses, because when we give them to God, we will one day have none left to give Him. What a beautiful day that will be, but for now, I am grateful that I am weak, for it is then that I am strong.