The Perfect Storm

When I began this blog, it was as Sister Michelle Green, missionary and representative for The Lord Jesus Christ and His restored Gospel. Gospel means "good news", and for 18 months I did all I could bring that good news to everyone who would listen. Now, a year since I came home, I sit in a chapel, again with my mother and grandmother, listening to General Women's Conference. As I listen to the words of many faithful women of God, I reflect upon my mission. It is, without fail, the most difficult and sacred 18 months of my life. Never had I felt myself break down in such a way, to the point where I felt there was little of me left. And today, right now, I see what is to be done. The parts of me that were not Christlike were torn down, and only I can allow the proper contractor to build me "right" this time.
In some way, we are all like an imperfect building, yet we are asked to be "perfect", or, as it is translated, complete. One can not rebuild what has not yet been knocked down. Every single day The Lord works on us, hoping to clear the way for His plans for us. Every day the adversary entices us to choose the wrong builder. Daily our windows break down, our doors squeak, our tile breaks, opening the way to use perfect materials this time. But there will be a time, for every single one of us, when a storm will come and beat us literally to the ground. A wind that blows through our glass, a flood to wipe out our insides, an earthquake to shatter our foundation. And one day, we will find ourselves in the perfect storm, the kind that will literally wipe us out in every way. It is in this perfect storm that we will finally be ready to be reborn, to be given an opportunity to become complete. It is in that moment that we have the eternally  fateful choice: who will build us again? Bitterness, anger, remorse? Or humility, hope, and the Atonement? I testify that every setback, sorrow, and burden we face leads us not only to the perfect storm, but to perfection within ourselves, but only in and through our Savior. May we choose Him as the architect of our lives.

Do Not Let It Beat Me

In High School this could easily have referred to track and field. But it means something far more to me now. A few years ago my brother-in-law was diagnosed with ALS. Some of you may be familiar with this from "Tuesdays with Morrey". In a nutshell the patient has their muscles slowly shut down in random order and in random spurts, until, usually within 2-5 years, the patient dies from lack of breathing. Do I really know why this happened? I am beginning too, because despite what it has done to us, it has done a lot of things for us. And for the first time in my life, I really am beginning to understand what that means.
The Hunger Games is one of my favorite movies/books. I find myself having to defend the fact that it is about kids brutally killing one another for food/money/glory because of what the book is really trying to say. One of my favorite moments is when one of the characters, Peeta, tells the main character, Katniss, that even though he is about to enter an arena where he either dies or kills, there is one thing he will hold onto: himself. The government may have taken away many of his freedoms, it may be forcing him to enter into the arena, and it may have a lot to say about his life, but it cannot determine who he becomes. In short, they cannot beat him-for "they do not own [him]". No matter how ugly the situation gets, he will not fall into the trap of becoming hollow and cruel. I know we all wonder how we would be in extreme conditions, would we be the ones who gave up, the ones who became cruel, or would we rise to the occasion? And now I finally understand why that means so much to me, because it is what I have been praying for for a long time now.

Ever since I got home from my mission (which was this January), I have tried to come to terms with, Ben, my brother-in-law's-illness. In the mission field it was hard for it to seem real. When I left he had just been diagnosed and could still do most things pretty normally. Now, about all he can do is move his fingers, his legs, and his head. Even talking to hard and tiring, and frankly, I haven't known what to do. Part of me wants to stay distant, thinking it will be easier if I'm less attached. Part of me wants to be there every second and spend what time I have with him. Part of me is so scared that it is hard to be by him. Part of me is so grateful and hopeful that all I want to do is be by him. And all these parts of me have been pretty much an awful tug-o-war inside of me. But tonight, as I got home from work and sat in my kitchen thinking, I realized that this was what Peeta was talking about, and I asked myself, "are you really going to let this beat you?"
Then I realized, this is what it was like to be in a situation where you had to decide, and you had to decide quick. I always thought that it would be obvious when the time came, that it would be a huge crossroads, but until now, I wasn't even aware that that was where I was. No, I'm not in a war or a natural disaster or in a Hollywood zombie apocalypse where I am forced to become more human or more animal, but I am still in a place to choose. I, like Peeta, do not have to let ALS own me, define me, control me. I, like Peeta, can still show it and God and myself that it cannot change me for the worse, it cannot beat me, it cannot not make me what I don't want to be. And because I see that now, I have the strength to do it.
So watch out ALS, I will not let you beat me. And whoever you are, and whatever you are facing:

and do not let it beat you either.

It's Far Better to Sail than Row...

I don't know much about sailing, but I imagine it is a lot easier when the wind is blowing. Even if its a bit strong, it certainly means that if you know what you are doing, it will get you where you want to go faster. On the other hand, I don't imagine sailing in no wind is very fun. I personally have tried my hand at rowing once in a small lake in Jackson Hole, I ended up beached several times. We needed rescuing. Rowing just isn't very fun if you have to do it for a long time.

I was thinking about life in this way. When the wind blows, or when we have trials, if we adjust our sails (submit our will to God) than we can go very far in life. Adversely, when we have calm times in our lives, if we choose to progress, the oars must come out. It is much harder to progress in calm. It takes a lot more work, effort, and awareness. And so, God, in His mercy, usually blows us "toward the promised land" (Ether 6:8), for is always better to sail than to row.

God, before he sent each of his children to earth,

gave each of them a very carefully selected package of problems.

These, he promises smiling, are yours and yours alone.

No one else may have the blessings these problems bring you.

And only you have the special talents and abilities that will be needed to make these problems your servants.

Now you go down, to your birth and to your forgetfulness … know that I love you beyond measure.

These problems I give you are a symbol of my love.

The monument that you make of your life …

with the help of your problems …

will be a symbol of your love for me.

Your Father

-poet unknown

Perfectly Comforted and Comfortably Perfect

We have all had people come into our lives at the seemingly perfect time, whether it was to comfort, guide, stop us, push us forward, teach us, and even correct us. For lack of a better phrase I suppose we would call them our "angels" sent here to help us along our way. I had one of these in my life during my stay at college a few years back, and this person would always tell me something that I never understood, "remember I am not the one who is comforting you". Well, I am happy to say, that two or so years later I get it, due to an account in the Book of Mormon.

Alma and Amulek were two missionaries who taught the people of Ammonihah. The people of Ammonihah did not recieve them well, in fact, their scriptures were burned, as were those of their faith, and they were forced to watch. Then they were imprisoned. On top of all this, because of Amulek's decision to serve with Alma, his family and friends rejected him (Alma 15:16). He also forsook his fortune. In essence, he had lost nearly everything one can have in life; position, friends, money, and most of all, family. Personally, I don't know if I could make it through all of that. But at that critical time in Amulek's life there is a verse that I love, it says:

"Now as I said, Alma having seen all these things, therefore he took Amulek and came over to the land of Zarahemla, and took him to his own house, and did administer unto him in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord." (Alma 15:18)
I love the phrase, "strengthened IN the Lord". Alma didn't neccessarily comfort/strengthen Amulek, the Lord did through Alma. When we are asked to "comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18:9) we should be doing this through Christ, for He is the one that can perfectly comfort us. Otherwise, we will only provide a certain level of comfort and for only so long. But, if we allow ourselves to be a tool in the Lord's hand to "bind up the broken hearted" (Isaiah 61:1), then we, through Him, can provide perfect comfort, for He has already suffered all that he may "succor" (run to) us in our time of need. (Alma 7:11-12)

Invite Him In

I have been thinking a lot about trials lately and I read something in the Old Testament that stood out to me. It is the account of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego being thrown into King Nebuchadnezzar's furnace. Those three men refused to worship the King's golden idol, and were punished by being bound and cast into a furnace that had been made seven times hotter than normal. Amazingly they were not burnt at all. In fact, as Nebuchadnezzar looked in to see them he found that those three were not the only men in the furnace. He asked his servants what they saw, and this was their reply:

"...Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God." (Daniel 3:25).
As soon as the King saw this he commanded they be let out, and not only did he let them go, he promoted them in the "province of Babylon" and commanded that anyone that spoke against their God would be punished. (Daniel 3:26-30)

Often in our lives we may find ourselves thrust into the furnace of affliction. Sometimes, that furnace is way hotter than it should normally be. At these times in our lives we have a choice; let the fire burn or purify us. How do we decide? We choose whether or not we invite Christ into the fire with us. Without him our trials will make us bitter, depressed, angry, frustrated, and weakened. With him they will make us more patient, compassionate, aware of God, strong, grateful-the list goes on and on, and the thing is, it is our choice. If those men had gone into the furnace alone they would have been killed, and, interestingly enough, had they not gone in at all they would never have been promoted nor been able to have a whole nation view their testimonies through the experience. We are the same. We have the opportunity to be "cast" into furnaces. In those moments we are blessed with Christ's help to bless and purify our lives and character and to be able to share this testimony to anyone watching. Our fires can be a blessing to not only us, but to those around us-if we so choose. Robert Frost has told us to "take the path less traveled", but I would add that when we take that walk, it matters just as much who we invite to walk with us. I think Hymn 85 "How Firm a Foundation" sums it all up pretty well:

“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine."

I know if we take Christ with us, no fire can ever burn us up, it can only melt us down and make us something better. And not only that, a better sense of peace than you had before will enter your lives because of your trial. Like jumping into a pool after a long days work outside, our lives will seem sweeter and more fulfilling after our labor of soul.

Patience

Last week I gave a talk in church on Hope. As I was studying hope I read a scripture story that showed me hope's close kin; patience. The story is an account told in Ether of the Book of Mormon. It is about a group of people who flee into the wilderness after the fall of the Tower of Babel. The Lord leads them away and tells them He is leading them to a promise land. After years of travel they arrive at a little body of water and the Lord instructs them to build barges and sail accross, which they do. They travel some more until they hit the ocean and once again they are asked to build some barges and sail accross. For the sake of keeping this blog short I'll speed past the building of the barges and into the actaul voyage. Here are the details of that trip:

"when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord"

-The only light they had was two stones

-Inside the barges was all their food, family, and livestock
-They had no sail, oars, or compass for them to guide themselves with
-They had to open a hole in the top in order to get air inside their ship and risk water flooding in
-The journey was around a year long

-The winds did "never cease to blow"

-From what we can tell they wasn't any way for the barges to communicate with each other



To me, there isn't much about that trip that sounds exciting, enjoyable, or relaxing. If I were on one of those barges I would be throwing a miserable fit. I would be annoyed, I would be grumpy, and I would be scared for the future. On a good day I might console myself with thoughts of "well, at least it will be worth it once we get to the promised land". The amazing thing is that that is not what any of those people did. In Ether 6:9-10 it says "And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea...and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.". Personally, it would take the voyage being a paid production of a reality T.V. show that was also strictly a musical for me to even sing a note during the trip. Why? Because I lack patience. And that got me thinking, what is patience?


Patience is more than passive waiting,
it is actively finding ways to be happy now

 My whole life I thought of patience as waiting. We are patient in lines, at doctor's appointments, or while waiting for water to boil while fixing dinner. That is what came to mind when I thought of the word patience. But then I realized something; wasn't that just waiting? And I finally understood that  patience does not equate waiting. Anyone can wait. That takes no talent at all. Waiters come a dime a dozen. So what sets waiting apart from patience? I think its being like those people on the barges; its learning to work hard to be happy now and not wait to be happy when the future seems brighter. When we truly have hope in our hearts that not only allows us to wait through trials because we know the future will be better, it allows us to be patient in trials. And how does hope do that for us? I think it is because when we have hope for a better future we realize that there is a reason for the hard stuff in between. We realize that life isn't about "earning" good things by "suffering" bad things. We see that the bad things in life are what makes life so good because that is how we grow and that is how we become (2 Nephi 2: 11). When we see life that way we realize we are capable of so much more than just waiting for the bad to be over; we have it in us to enjoy and grow in the bad as we wait for the good. We have hope in ourselves that we have the ability to master any hard circumstance and say "come what may and love it". It is this concept that has made this my favorite scripture by Jacob, "Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves" (2 Nephi 10:23). We always have the choice to be happy now-and exercising that right it true patience.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be,
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have winced but not cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance,
My head is bloodied but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears,
Looms but the horror of the shade.
And yet the menace of the years,
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
William Earnest Henley

The Karate Kid

This last summer I had the joy of watching the Karate Kid series via Netflix as I watched my niece Emmerson. It took some diligence and time to keep at it between Emme breaks to play with her, feed her, and make sure she didn't get into anything dangerous, but I was able to accomplish my goal. I soon realized how awesome the Karate Kid truely is, and I vouch for its general awesomeness.
But besides awesome 1980's music like "Cruel Summer", Ralph Maccio in his prime, mollets, cut-off t-shirts, and pretty thrilling Karate stunts, the Karate Kid offers much more for us; the sage advice and guidance of Mr. Miyagi. Mr. Miyagi guides Daniel through his quest to becoming a great Karate master to overcome his fear of bullies through often odd and tedious actions. We all remember well the old "wax on wax off" method of Karate learning and how although frustrating and seemingly pointless at first, over time the pay off of these techniques were remarkable. I think the same thing applies to the gospel.
In the gospel we are asked to do certain things over and over again. These things a generally simple and easy to do; reading our scriptures, going to church, saying our prayers, taking the Sacrament; these are things that we do repeatedly. At times they may seem mundane, too simple, or overdone, we may want to move on to more exciting or "advanced" things in the gospel, or wish we didn't have to do these things so often. But just like the Karate Kid I know that these things repeated over time, will become the most amazing strength to us and provide us with application after application in the "real" world, just as it did for Daniel. So next time you feel "here we go again" with prayer, or scriptures, or whatever, just remember the old "wax on wax off" technique and remember that true power lies in dedication, discipline, and small accomplishments repeated over time. That is the best and truest way to build faith, strength, testimony, and love of the gospel. That is the best way to learn gospel "karate" to defend oneself against fear or trials in our lives, for true disciples are simply those who are disciplined enough to practice Christ's attribute of diligence to the Faith and gospel of Jesus Christ.
So remember "that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise." (Alma 37:6) We like Daniel can master "karate" and have confidence in the face of adversity because of our heed and diligence to the small and simple things of life.

The Door of the Sheep

I happen to love reading and before I came on my mission I made a goal of reading all the Newbery Award Books. It was a lofty goal and unfortunately I didn't finish but I read one that will stick with me forever. It is called "The Door in the Wall" by Marguerite de Angeli. The story follows a young son of a knight who dreams of becoming a warrior like his father. While he father is absent the lad gets sick and although recovers most his strength back with time, his legs become mostly useless, making knighthood out of the question. Instead, he is sent to an Abby far away to learn to read and write and find a way to make a trade. The boy is bitter about his lot and fights against learning anything other than knighthood. A kind monk patiently works with him and teaches him to swim, whiddle, read, write, and even makes him crutches that allow him to get around with some mobility. Over and over again he tells the boy that hard things may put a wall in our path to what we want, but we always have the ability to make a door. He tells the boy to learn all he can so that when he meets a wall in life he will always be able to make a door in it and keep progressing forward. The book is short and I don't want to spoil the end for any intrigued readers but the story itself stuck with me because of the monk's advice to prepare for walls so that when they come we can make a door through them. There are many applications to our lives of this sound advice but I want to focus on one: the Atonement.

In the Bible Dictionary under names of Christ it lists "the door of the sheep". It is in reference to John 10:7,9. That really stuck out to me because it really puts perfectly into words who Christ is to us when we come accross our own walls or trials in life: he is the door. No matter how difficult or impossible life may seem at times we know that although we ourselves may not be able to climb over or break through them we know that if we allow Christ into our lives he will always provide a door for us. There is nothing his power cannot heal or make right and as we realize that the Atonement begins to have real power in our lives. I know that Christ lives and that he is our door if we let him and become his sheep as we prepare every day for our walls in life. So, let us like Nephi go through life and say "I will go and do" for "the Lord shall provide a way for (me) that (I) may accomplish." (1 Nephi 3:7) If we do so we will never meet a wall too high, thick, or strong for us, for Christ truly is the "door of the sheep".

Noah

When we are prepared we shall not fear and our hard times will be moments of rejoicing, for God always keeps his promises when we do our part.

Last night I was talking with someone and heard the popular saying "when it rains it pours". For some reason in my head I instantly thought, "yeah, just ask Noah". As I thought more about that I realized how well he learned that lesson and prepared for the times of torrential rains. We often talk about how Noah started building the ark when there wasn't a cloud in the sky and was mocked for it. Yet in the end it was a good thing he got a head start on the job, for when the rains came and then poured I can only imagine the peace and confidence he felt as he loaded his family into the safety of his gopher wood ark.

Today I think that we all have similar experiences in a way. We have the "good times" in life and then we have the "floods" of trials in life. What I want to do better is to prepare for those floods. I want to start my ark now rather then later so that when hardship comes my way I too can fill that peace as Noah did and figuratively get into my "ark" of testimony, trust in the Lord, hope, faith, and a solid relationship with God through months of daily meaningful and personal prayer. Only then can we say to ourselves "come what may and love it". May we all follow the adage quoted by President Monson this last conference, "When the time for decision arrives, the time for preparation is past." May we do as President Eyring suggested and draw courage from being prepared. When we do so we will be far more prepared for the rains of life and will be able to grow and even enjoy those moments of hardships in our lives for we, like Noah, will be able to step confidently into our own arks prepared in the Lord's way.

Borne of Four

This story in the New Testament has always been a favorite of mine. I love that four friends make it possible for a man to change his life. This young man, sick of palsy, hears of Christ and seeks to be by him. Sadly, he cannot get there on his own. So, his friends take him to the house Christ is at, but are met with a road-bump; the house is far too full for them to crowd in with their friend in his bed. Not ones to be easily discouraged they decide to "simply" carry their friend to the roof, take off the top of the roof, and let him down by rope to the Savior. That in and of itself is a story worth thinking about. But what I love most is what happens next. After this herculean effort, Christ tells the man "thy sins are forgiven thee." Imagine how this man must feel. After all of that he is still stuck in a bed, and now, there is a large crowd staring at him in the center of the room, wondering what he is doing there. On top of all this, some Pharisees begin to mumble, saying "Why doth this man thus speak blasphemies? who can forgive sins but God only?" (Mark 2:7). Of course Christ realizes what is going on, and he asks them a powerful question, "Why reason ye these things in your hearts. Whether is it easier to say to the sick of the palsy, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and take up thy bed, and walk?" (Mark 2:8-9 )I find that a very fair question. But I love what Christ does next. He turns to the man with palsy and says, "But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins, (he saith to the sick of the palsy), I say unto thee, Arise, and take up thy bed and go thy way into thine house." (Mark 2:10-12) 

What I love about this story is that to me it is a perfect teaching moment for all of us. There were two types of miracles this man witnessed; the healing of his physical ailment and the healing of his spiritual ailment. To me, initially, the physical healing was most impressive. In my limited perspective I thought that young man would be most thrilled to be able to walk again, I mean, that is why he came in the first place, right? To me that was the miracle. And yet Christ asked the Pharisees, is it easier to forgive sin or enable this man to walk again? That made me think. I looked back at that very fair question-which is easier? And I realized that the real miracle was far beyond that young man being able to walk again. I saw the two miracles a little differently. Christ essentially looked at the young man and offered him two things; the taking away of a trial (physical healing), and the enabling to deal with trial (spiritual healing). And I have to ask myself; what would I rather have? Would I rather have my miracle be the taking away of trials? It would certainly be easier for me and for God to do. But wouldn't I much rather have the more permanent solution? Wouldn't I rather have the Atonement work within me so that no matter what happens or doesn't happen in my life I can still feel happy? That when tragedy strikes I am prepared to deal with it, grow, and keep moving rather than just try to survive it til it goes away? In Helaman 5:12 it says-"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall." As I read this I realize that that is the greatest miracle of all. That is the power of Christ through His infinite Atonement. That when the raging storms and winds of life hit, they shall have no power to make me miserable, downcast, impatient, despairing, angry, or anything else for that matter. I begin to realize the real miracle of Christ. I begin to realize which miracle I should seek after, and which miracle that young man of palsy would treasure most. And yet I remember that, in His mercy, Christ heals him physically as well. He takes away that trial or storm of life. So, when I see this picture of the man borne of four, I remember the miracle to pray for. I remember what to seek. And I remember that a lot of times, Christ in His mercy, timing, and wisdom, gives me both-and I am everlastingly grateful that He does.