John 12 relates the story of Mary Magdalene anointing Christ with costly oils prior to his death. When Judas seeks to find fault with this action, proclaiming that it was a waste of money that otherwise could have been given to the poor, Christ rebukes him and tells him to "let her alone" for "the poor always ye have with you, but me you have not always." Although a powerful reminder to always putting Christ first (something Mary teaches us by example earlier in Christ's ministry as well) this story was presented to me in another light; the lesson in not serving but being served.
It is often easier to give than receive. We would rather give than feel we owe someone something. We would rather serve than have the embarrassment of needing help. We would rather listen and comfort than humbly speak out of our own pain and sufferings. The very moment we receive we are calculating a mental tab and feel guilty until we feel we have repaid the kindness. Unfortunately, this often doesn't stem from an acute sense of selflessness but rather a malady of pride, pride that not only robs others the blessings that would come from serving us but also the power that would come into our own lives by others kindness and service. But most of all it can be at times a symptom of something else.
The Lord will never give us an aspect of doctrine or commandment to follow without presenting plenty of practice. Most of what we do in life is type or shadow of something to come, a low stakes way to grow in order to be ready when it matters most. The acceptance of others kindness is no exception. As I listened to this familiar Bible story it came to me in an unfamiliar light, and it's truth was burned into my heart. The practice of accepting service is practice for us to accept the kindness and mercy offered us through the Atonement. How often do we feel unworthy, in debt, or too proud to accept forgiveness and spiritual healing? Or tell ourselves that if we ask forgiveness than we will have to read our scriptures longer or be more faithful in our callings? Or even worse, we tell ourselves that we can't ask for forgiveness until we pay extra fast offerings or home teach more than once this week. We somehow get into our minds that the Atonement has a price tag attached until it can be accessed. Nothing could be further from the truth, and this week I finally see a way to be better and do better: let myself be served. Practice the feeling of gratitude instead of feeling in debt. Practice humility instead of pride. Practice receiving and giving back out of love and not obligation. Only then will the practice of accepting the Lord's help become permanent, and our actions in the name of the Lord will be because we are grateful and desire to bless others, not because we feel we must pay God back.
