Jesus Wept

I was reminded of this verse in Relief Society today. It has been reflected on in many different ways and at many different times by others. The meaning that has been most powerful to me though, especially at the end of my mission (which was the most difficult era for me) is how it displays Christ's compassion. If you haven't read it recently, check out John 11. This is where Lazareth dies BECAUSE Christ tarries despite his family's pleas to come and heal him. We know now that Christ tarried in order for Lazareth to be considered truly dead by Jewish law (they believed it took 3 days for the spirit to leave the body) and thus prove His divinity by raising Lazareth from the dead, but they didn't know that. For them they waited anxiously, wondering why the Lord could possibly "tarry" while such a trial was at hand. I am sure the moments were agonizing, as their eyes searched the road for any indication that their Savior would come to them in this their time of greatest need. Yet He did not come, and seemingly, all was lost. I find it interesting, because when Christ did arrive, Mary and Martha both expressed Faith in Him AND His plan. One testifies that had Christ been there "my brother had not died" but that she KNEW that her brother would rise again in the Resurrection, that in the end it would be OK. She had the testimony of the Plan of Salvation LONG before Christ had officially conquered death. But the Resurrection must have felt a long ways away. Comfort felt far away. Hope felt far away. At that moment Christ knew that in a matter of SECONDS the very cause of sorrow for Mary/Martha would become an incredible joy as Lazareth came forth from the grave. Despite this knowledge, despite that to Him and His eternal perspective their pain may have seemed silly or short sighted, He did not say "It is going to be OK, be patient and get with the program, I'm about to wake your brother up" or "use your faith to cheer up and realize this isn't permanent" or "no matter how much I tell you guys about my power you still have cause for sadness?". What he did do was weep. He wept not for Lazareth or his death, he wept for THEIR pain, THEIR sorrow, THEIR discomfort. He knew they didn't know what lay ahead, He knew that they felt like Lazareth was gone until the second coming, He knew that they felt that this pain was unbearable and would last perhaps until their own deaths, He knew that they FELT pain DESPITE their Faith. So He wept. He wept with them.

I cannot even tell you the comfort it gives me to know that Christ can comfort me when I fail to see the big picture despite His ability to see it. He weeps with us, He really does, even if we are moments away from the greatest miracles of our lives. He weeps because He knows we felt alone because He "tarried" to better prove His divinity to us. He weeps because He knows how it feels. Most of all, He weeps because He loves us.

Practice Makes Permanent

Practice makes perfect, the adage goes, but someone wise corrected that half truth; practice makes permanent. Doing something over and over again will become second nature, but sadly that doesn't guarantee it will be a perfect thing. That is why it is vital we practice things the right way or we'd be better off not practicing at all. This concept became more important to me as I reread a story in the New Testament.

John 12 relates the story of Mary Magdalene anointing Christ with costly oils prior to his death. When Judas seeks to find fault with this action, proclaiming that it was a waste of money that otherwise could have been given to the poor, Christ rebukes him and tells him to "let her alone" for "the poor always ye have with you, but me you have not always." Although a powerful reminder to always putting Christ first (something Mary teaches us by example earlier in Christ's ministry as well) this story was presented to me in another light; the lesson in not serving but being served.

It is often easier to give than receive. We would rather give than feel we owe someone something. We would rather serve than have the embarrassment of needing help. We would rather listen and comfort than humbly speak out of our own pain and sufferings. The very moment we receive we are calculating a mental tab and feel guilty until we feel we have repaid the kindness. Unfortunately, this often doesn't stem from an acute sense of selflessness but rather a malady of pride, pride that not only robs others the blessings that would come from serving us but also the power that would come into our own lives by others kindness and service. But most of all it can be at times a symptom of something else.

The Lord will never give us an aspect of doctrine or commandment to follow without presenting plenty of practice. Most of what we do in life is type or shadow of something to come, a low stakes way to grow in order to be ready when it matters most. The acceptance of others kindness is no exception. As I listened to this familiar Bible story it came to me in an unfamiliar light, and it's truth was burned into my heart. The practice of accepting service is practice for us to accept the kindness and mercy offered us through the Atonement. How often do we feel unworthy, in debt, or too proud to accept forgiveness and spiritual healing? Or tell ourselves that if we ask forgiveness than we will have to read our scriptures longer or be more faithful in our callings? Or even worse, we tell ourselves that we can't ask for forgiveness until we pay extra fast offerings or home teach more than once this week. We somehow get into our minds that the Atonement has a price tag attached until it can be accessed. Nothing could be further from the truth, and this week I finally see a way to be better and do better: let myself be served. Practice the feeling of gratitude instead of feeling in debt. Practice humility instead of pride. Practice receiving and giving back out of love and not obligation. Only then will the practice of accepting the Lord's help become permanent, and our actions in the name of the Lord will be because we are grateful and desire to bless others, not because we feel we must pay God back.

Angels We Have Heard on High

So I am rounding up with the Nativity story and have been thinking now about the angels. They appear a few times in the Nativity; to bring news to three parties 1-Mary 2-Joseph 3-the shepherds.

1-What can we learn from Gabriel? I think that we can learn that when we are asked of the Lord to open our mouths and teach/talk to people we are to do so. I am sure Gabriel was both excited and nervous for the news he brought; he knew the joy of the news but I am sure he also worried how Mary would react to it. I am sure he knew it was truth and something that would bless her life but it would also be hard to carry out. We, like Gabriel, must open our mouth still and focus on the blessings the gospel brings to people who hear it and not focus on the changes they will have to make and how hard it is. If we truly understand the blessings of the Lord through His restored gospel then sharing the message will be good news and not hard to hear. We will WANT to share it because we see the positive and the blessings rather than the "obligations". President Urchtdorf said "the gospel of Jesus Christ is a pathway not an obligation". Let us remember that as we share it with all who will hear us.

2-What of the angel that brought news to Joseph? He told Joseph after Joseph had decided to have Mary put away-"Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name Jesus: for he shall save his people from their sins." (Matthew 1:20-21) I am sure Joseph was confused and upset about what he had thought Mary had done, yet he still tried to do the right thing. When we come to trials or "upsets" in life the Lord can help guide us or clarify problems in our lives so that we can move forward in the way the Lord would have us and in the way that is best for us. Let us strive to live so that our example or even words can be a source of guidance and clarification to those around us confused but seeking the truth of the gospel that will lead them to Christ as the angel did for Joseph.

3-The angels brought unto the shepherds "glad tidings of good joy". Christ IS the glad tidings of good joy. Let us, like these angels, proclaim Christ to "all" (Luke 2:10) so that they too may come unto Christ. When we seek to truly understand who Christ is and utilize the Atonement in our own lives we will realize how wondeful the message of Christ truly is, and we will seek to share this message with all we can. "How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings; that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good; that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth;" (Mosiah 12:21 or Isaiah 52:7)

Let us be like the angels of old and share the gospel message of blessings with courage, seek to guide others as we live the gospel, and share the glad message of the Atonement and life of Jesus Christ our Savior and Redeemer.

Mary: Behold the Handmaid of the Lord

I have been thinking a lot about Mary this Christmas season, especially after the amazing new videos put out by the Church about the birth of Christ (visit lds.org to view these clips). What really stuck out to me was the visit of the angel Gabriel to Mary to tell her she would be the mother of Jesus the Savior of the World. I think of how I myself would feel if I had received such a calling. The fact that she was only 14 years old at the time adds to the tremendous respect I feel for her response. In those time infidelity when espoused could mean at best rejection by society and future spouse and at worst death by stoning. I am sure she feared what would happen to her as she faced the community as an espoused women now pregnant. How many would believe her? What would Joseph do? Ultimately her fate rested in his hands and in his belief or unbelief of her claim to be the mother of the Christ. And even if Joseph believed her what would her family, friends, neighbors, community say? For the rest of her life she could be marked as an adulterer and scorned and regarded as a fallen and degraded youth. Besides all of these challenges I can think of more; what would it feel like to know you would raise the perfect Son of God? I think of my first day in the mission field and how overwhelmed and unprepared I felt. There are few more frightful and uncomfortable feelings than those of inadequacy and the sense of being overwhelmed with things we feel we are not up to performing. I am sure being told I would raise the Savior of the World would be far more overwhelming than anything I have ever been asked to do for the Lord. And ultimately I can only imagine the pain of being a mother watching a son go through what Christ would go through, scorned and hated of men, rejected by his own, and ultimately, to watch him bleed and die on the cross, suffering for our shortcomings, sorrows, and sins, knowing that just hours before he had bled from every pore under the pain and pressure of performing the infinite and all powerful Atonement. I am not a mother but I can only imagine how that would feel to watch the man I raised and cared for for 33 years go through what the Savior went through. And yet, Mary did not let these doubts, fears, and feelings of inadequacy stop her from performing what the Lord asked her to do. I am sure she had a deep seeded testimony of our Heavenly Father and the wisdom of His will, His callings, His commandments. She knew the Lord knew she could do it and would do it. She knew that following the Lord's will brings blessings that far exceed any sorrow or ridicule the world can bring. She knew that ultimately we must all "trust in the Lord and lean not unto our own understanding". She knew that God would be with her every step of the way, and understood the honor and blessing of her calling, that she Mary, would be considered "blessed among women" (Luke 1:28). She may have understood the pains and struggles she might have because of her calling, but she also understood the amazing experience and blessing raising the literal Son of God would be. She understood who Christ was and the "glad tiding" the message of His coming really was. In short, she trusted God and his words. May we all learn to do as Mary did when we are called to do. Great blessings await those that do so, and as we seek to understand who God and Christ really are, we will gain the ability to trust all his words, and we will have the strength to say as Mary did ""Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word" (Luke 1:38).