Jesus Wept

I was reminded of this verse in Relief Society today. It has been reflected on in many different ways and at many different times by others. The meaning that has been most powerful to me though, especially at the end of my mission (which was the most difficult era for me) is how it displays Christ's compassion. If you haven't read it recently, check out John 11. This is where Lazareth dies BECAUSE Christ tarries despite his family's pleas to come and heal him. We know now that Christ tarried in order for Lazareth to be considered truly dead by Jewish law (they believed it took 3 days for the spirit to leave the body) and thus prove His divinity by raising Lazareth from the dead, but they didn't know that. For them they waited anxiously, wondering why the Lord could possibly "tarry" while such a trial was at hand. I am sure the moments were agonizing, as their eyes searched the road for any indication that their Savior would come to them in this their time of greatest need. Yet He did not come, and seemingly, all was lost. I find it interesting, because when Christ did arrive, Mary and Martha both expressed Faith in Him AND His plan. One testifies that had Christ been there "my brother had not died" but that she KNEW that her brother would rise again in the Resurrection, that in the end it would be OK. She had the testimony of the Plan of Salvation LONG before Christ had officially conquered death. But the Resurrection must have felt a long ways away. Comfort felt far away. Hope felt far away. At that moment Christ knew that in a matter of SECONDS the very cause of sorrow for Mary/Martha would become an incredible joy as Lazareth came forth from the grave. Despite this knowledge, despite that to Him and His eternal perspective their pain may have seemed silly or short sighted, He did not say "It is going to be OK, be patient and get with the program, I'm about to wake your brother up" or "use your faith to cheer up and realize this isn't permanent" or "no matter how much I tell you guys about my power you still have cause for sadness?". What he did do was weep. He wept not for Lazareth or his death, he wept for THEIR pain, THEIR sorrow, THEIR discomfort. He knew they didn't know what lay ahead, He knew that they felt like Lazareth was gone until the second coming, He knew that they felt that this pain was unbearable and would last perhaps until their own deaths, He knew that they FELT pain DESPITE their Faith. So He wept. He wept with them.

I cannot even tell you the comfort it gives me to know that Christ can comfort me when I fail to see the big picture despite His ability to see it. He weeps with us, He really does, even if we are moments away from the greatest miracles of our lives. He weeps because He knows we felt alone because He "tarried" to better prove His divinity to us. He weeps because He knows how it feels. Most of all, He weeps because He loves us.

Practice Makes Permanent

Practice makes perfect, the adage goes, but someone wise corrected that half truth; practice makes permanent. Doing something over and over again will become second nature, but sadly that doesn't guarantee it will be a perfect thing. That is why it is vital we practice things the right way or we'd be better off not practicing at all. This concept became more important to me as I reread a story in the New Testament.

John 12 relates the story of Mary Magdalene anointing Christ with costly oils prior to his death. When Judas seeks to find fault with this action, proclaiming that it was a waste of money that otherwise could have been given to the poor, Christ rebukes him and tells him to "let her alone" for "the poor always ye have with you, but me you have not always." Although a powerful reminder to always putting Christ first (something Mary teaches us by example earlier in Christ's ministry as well) this story was presented to me in another light; the lesson in not serving but being served.

It is often easier to give than receive. We would rather give than feel we owe someone something. We would rather serve than have the embarrassment of needing help. We would rather listen and comfort than humbly speak out of our own pain and sufferings. The very moment we receive we are calculating a mental tab and feel guilty until we feel we have repaid the kindness. Unfortunately, this often doesn't stem from an acute sense of selflessness but rather a malady of pride, pride that not only robs others the blessings that would come from serving us but also the power that would come into our own lives by others kindness and service. But most of all it can be at times a symptom of something else.

The Lord will never give us an aspect of doctrine or commandment to follow without presenting plenty of practice. Most of what we do in life is type or shadow of something to come, a low stakes way to grow in order to be ready when it matters most. The acceptance of others kindness is no exception. As I listened to this familiar Bible story it came to me in an unfamiliar light, and it's truth was burned into my heart. The practice of accepting service is practice for us to accept the kindness and mercy offered us through the Atonement. How often do we feel unworthy, in debt, or too proud to accept forgiveness and spiritual healing? Or tell ourselves that if we ask forgiveness than we will have to read our scriptures longer or be more faithful in our callings? Or even worse, we tell ourselves that we can't ask for forgiveness until we pay extra fast offerings or home teach more than once this week. We somehow get into our minds that the Atonement has a price tag attached until it can be accessed. Nothing could be further from the truth, and this week I finally see a way to be better and do better: let myself be served. Practice the feeling of gratitude instead of feeling in debt. Practice humility instead of pride. Practice receiving and giving back out of love and not obligation. Only then will the practice of accepting the Lord's help become permanent, and our actions in the name of the Lord will be because we are grateful and desire to bless others, not because we feel we must pay God back.

My Personal Trainer

As a missionary I get asked the question "why do we need an organized church?" a lot. As long as we are aware of God and seek to be good people, why do we need a "middle man"? Well, I must admit, it is a valid question, and so, I have begun to research it. I found my answer in two ways-scriptures and an analogy.
1-One reason we have a Church is because God commanded it. All throughout the Bible and Book of Mormon we learn of God calling prophets to set up and establish Christ's church "for the perfecting of the saints" (Ephesians 4:13). Christ tells Peter "upon this rock I will build my church" (Matthew 16:18), the Old Testament speaks of "congregations", and Christ himself called 12 Apostles and set apart men to help Him bring others to Christ. Basically, Church was never man made, but God mandated. We have a church because God set one up for us, and He even names its purpose, "for the perfecting" of us. That leads me to reason number 2.
2-Many of us have had the chance to walk into a gym. In a gym we find people taking classes, lifting weights, running on the treadmill, and even those people that go just to check themselves out in the full size mirrors. A few of these people may have a personal trainer with them, showing them workouts that will best help them reach their fitness goals. To me the people who have chosen to have a personal trainer will get far more out of their gym experience then those going at it alone. They may reach many of their goals, but for the gym to have its best affect on them they need a personal trainer who has all the knowledge and tools under their belt to help personalize, motivate, and teach them how to use the gym to their best advantage. The personal trainer isn't a middle man or a roadblock in the gym members way of using the gym's facilities-he or she is only there to work with them as they use all the gym has to offer. This is exactly how I feel about Church. It is not that Church is in the middle of me and my relationship with God and His commandments. Rather, Church is there to work with me to fully understand God's dealings with His children, motivate, uplift, and help me reach my personal spiritual goals in an individual and real way. It is not a hindrance at all, rather, a blessing and a tool God has placed here for us. I don't need Church to have a good relationship with God, but I do need the Church to help me build the strongest relationship I can have with Him. I would feel ungrateful and horribly amiss to say I didn't need the help of the organization of Christ's Church to become all I can become-to reach my full potential. Otherwise, I would be selling myself short. I never could have learned what I have or had the strength to apply what I have learned without the help of church meetings, leaders, and the incredible Spirit I feel each time I enter the building. It has been my personal trainer, and I am eternally grateful for its role in my life; I would not be who I am without it.

Additional Information Church Organization/Attendance:
Bible Dictionary: Church
Bible Dictionary: Sabbath
3 Nephi 27:3-11
Leviticus 8:3-5 (example of congregations)
3 Nephi 18:1-25
Moroni 6:5-6
Doctrine and Covenants 59:9-15
Exodus 20:8-11
1 Corinthians 12
Mosiah 18:8-9, 25
Doctrine and Covenants 29:7-8
Alma 6:6
Matthew 18:20
John 10:16
Ephesians 2:19-20

No Decision is a Decision

My Grandfather has two twin brothers, Tom and Jerry. According to my Grandpa they were the "cat's meow" and frankly I believe him when I see pictures. They look like James Dean to me and I enjoyed hearing stories about them. My favorite by far is a story about when they were young and were riding a tandem bike together. The two were having a good time and soon started down a big hill. This hill descended into a wide open field with just one tree standing errect, right in the middle. Down they went, speeding directly into the path of the tree. Now I admit I can't remember which was driving but to save confusion lets say it was Jerry. All the time that bike was speeding towards that tree poor Tom was thinking "he's gonna turn any minute now, he's just fooling with me". He thought this right up until the minute that bike hit right smack dab in the middle of that tree's trunk and they went sailing into the dirt. Thankfully, neither one was too badly injured, but of course Tom turned to the Jerry and cried out in disbelief "why didn't you turn away from that tree?" Jerry's reply is something that I"ll never forget, he told Tom "I couldn't decide if I should turn to the right or to the left".

Now although the story is humorous, my Grandfather made sure he let us know what the moral of that story was; no decision is a decision. Now I am the kind of person that struggles deciding which glove to put on first as I leave for the day. Decisions are a hard thing because often we fear of making the wrong one. God has given us the divine gift of agency-the power and ability to choose for ourselves. Often the Advesary attacks us not only by trying to make us decide the wrong choice, but often he gets us by making sure we make no decision at all. By keeping us on the "fence" in life we get out of making a choice, but we also forfit God's blessings and personal growth. It is only when we realize that no decision IS a decision that we can free ourselves from this trap and avoid running spiritually into trees. We can choose with confidence knowing that not only can we be guided in our choices by the Spirit, but should we fall down a forbiden path, the Atonement is always available to bring us back. And this Faith in Jesus Christ is what gives us the power and confidence to decide today to follow Him; even if it costs us the painful process of making a choice and a change.